Baby girl update

I saw my Perinatologist on Thursday to check up on miss tiny.  I love that I get to see her so often.  She is doing great. She is still in the 29th percentile, but she has been that consistently. So she growing, she is just little (which is to be expected since I am not very big myself......well....except for as of lately.)  We found out that she has some hair! Which is sooo super exciting since Nate and I were balled as bowling balls when we were born. I am excited to actually see what color her hair is. We are all still betting the farm she is a redhead, but I will be happy with any hair. Heck, just put her in my arms alive and healthy and I will be the happiest mommy ever! Well, while we were at the Perinatologist I had a few concerns. When I was pregnant with Porter I never had contractions or pains or pressure. He was really high, and I had the heartburn to prove it. So during the past few weeks when I was having a lot of pressure down low, weird pains and aches I thought I would bring it up to my Doctor.  I talked to my OB and my Dad and they said it was probably just round ligament pain. That my ligaments were stretching out to make room for baby.  But honestly this pressure felt like more than just my ligaments. It felt and still feels like a 30 pound weight is sitting on my cervix. At my last Perinatology appointment they said I had some extra amniotic fluid but they didn't give me a number.  They made sure I didn't have Gestational Diabetes, (which I don't, thank goodness) and they checked miss tiny's kidneys and bladder to make sure they were working properly.  Having extra fluid could mean she isn't swallowing or peeing right. Or that there was something wrong with her kidneys. Well, after I was checked 3 weeks ago, baby looked good, so they said it's just an abnormality. Since that appointment the pressure and pain had been getting worse. If I laid down, I couldn't breath, If I sat for too long I can't get up. I was really concerned that maybe I was having contractions and just didn't know what they felt like. Well at my visit a few days ago they measured  my amniotic fluid again. They told me normal is 8-18 cm.  High is 22 cm. Can you guess what mine is....27 cm.  Which means that I have 2 to 3 times the amniotic fluid that a normal women at 32 weeks has. So instead of 2 pounds of fluid in my uterus, I have about 4-5 pounds.  This extra fluid is putting A TON of pressure on my cervix. Thankfully, my cervix is awesome! LOL, it is long, 1.47 cm, (which I guess is good) thick and hard as a rock. So this provides a great barrier to keep baby in. Thank goodness for that or else they would be sticking a needle in my uterus every week to drain the extra fluid out.  So although they don't have to do any draining right now, it is still very uncomfortable. My doctor said I am probably twice as uncomfortable as most women at 32 weeks because of my huge uterus. He said that if the pressure become to unbearable then at our next appointment he can start draining the fluid. EEeekk! I am alittle nervous for that, but at least everything is good with miss tiny and the extra fluid isn't effecting her, except making it harder for her to flip head down.  They extra fluid puts pressure on her to stay in the position that she is at, which is breech, Just like Porter.  My doctors thinks it is highly unlikely that she is going to flip, since she has never been head down. So for now we are tentatively planning on a C-section for Feb 12th, which again is fine with me. I don't care how baby girl gets here. I just want her here and in my arms.

31 weeks

We made it!!!

Miss tiny and I are to the week that I lost Porter. 

31 weeks! 

It has been in the back of my mind since I got pregnant. 

How am I going to be when I am 31 weeks. 

Am I going to be excited,..

calm...

 a nervous wreck...

depressed,....

out of my mind with anxiety??? 

This week has actually been alot more peaceful then I anticipated. 

Sure I have been anxious, but I have felt a comfort come over me often that miss tiny is ok. That we are going to make it. 

I know that this is the Holy Ghost. 

He is calming my mind, testifying of the love God has for me and this little one. 

Today is the day in my last pregnancy that I lost Porter (31 weeks and 4 days). 

 It is strange to ponder how different my life is now.

 How different this pregnancy is. 

How different the love Nate and I have for each other is. 

Often times I tell people that I don't think I am going to be a better parent because of Porter, But I think I am going to be a different parent now because of him. 

I think I am going to be more patient, 

 maybe more tender, 

or grateful. 

I just know that this little one is going to be more loved than she thought possible. 

I am so thankful for all my Doctors. 

For all the reassurances and support these past 31 weeks. 

It has been a stressful road for sure.

 Thankfully, I have been able to see my baby every 3 weeks grow and develop inside of me. Now I get weekly non-stress tests to check out how her heart is holding up in such cramped quarters. 

She is in the best hands, and for that I am truly grateful.

Just keep growing

Man I love being pregnant!

  Don't get me wrong, my anxiety has been through the roof! Like sky high, but by golly when I wake up and see my belly moving around, I can't help but tear up. 

That's my baby girl in there. 

She is alive and already has a personality and her own special spirit. It just boggles my mind. It's totally worth all the hardships I have gone through with this pregnancy. I just want her to keep on growing. And as you can see, she is doing a mighty fine job.

                                          

Sorry for the bluriness

Porters 2nd Birthday

It was Porter's Birthday yesterday, and can't believe that it has been two years since we had him. It is strange to think that I could have had a toddler running around right now. Laughing and talking and getting into trouble. It's strange to think that he would be getting ready to be a big brother here on earth. I know that is already an amazing big brother in heaven, preparing our little miss tiny. Hopefully telling her how much she is loved and how special she is. I just imagine Porter spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Teaching others of the love of our Savior. I know he is doing this because he already did this for me. Porter taught me how truly loved I am. Loved by my family, by my friends, and especially loved by my Savior. I have gained a greater testimony and understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and how it applies to me. I am so Thankful for my heavenly son for the lessons that he taught me. 

This year's birthday was a lot different than last years. Last year I still wasn't pregnant. I still felt loss. I longed for my baby. Nate had just broken his leg. My parents were going through their divorce. My friends were struggling with awful trials. It seemed that my world was spinning out of control. I didn't understand so many things, yet I knew things would work out. Well,.. It was more of a hope that things would work out.

This year, Porters birthday was completely different. This year I am pregnant. I feel love and peace from my Father in heaven. I still long for my baby, but I feel him with me often. Nate is healthy. My dad is remarried and my mom is about to be at the end of the week. My friends are doing well, even great! I feel like my broken world has been stitched back together. I am amazed at what a year can bring. The sorrow, the joy, the confusion and reflection. One thing that has always been stable in my life has been the Gospel. The Gospel brings me light. It brings me comfort and truth. The Gospel is the only thing that gets me through the storms of life. It is my life jacket. My lighthouse. I love my Savior more than words can express. I am thankful that he let me house one of his choice spirits. I am thankful that he blessed me again to house another one, and I pray everyday that this time I will be worthy enough to keep her.

Perinatology

Today Nate and I meant with the Perinatologist at the University of Utah Hospital. A Perinatologist is a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. They are also trained as obstetricians, but they don't usually do the deliveries.  We saw one after we had Porter and now that I am almost in my 3rd trimester it was time to get a Game plan.  

Well, I will start off by saying, as soon as we pulled up to the hospital I started sobbing. I don't know what came over me, but some deep emotions came to the surface and spilled out all the way through the hospital.  I am sure the onlookers thought something terrible had happened. Nope, I am just an emotional wreck on occasion.  Once we were in the ultrasound room, my tears slowed and I started to get excited to see our little miss tiny.

What a character she is. We have had 3 ultrasounds so far and each one she had been my little wiggler. The ultrasound tech said that we were going to have our hands full with this hyper little one. Well I hope so! She is beautiful! Huge cheeks like her mom :). Wide nose like her dad! She is going to be a big featured baby!  We were able to see her yawning and swallowing. Sucking her thumb and playing with her feet. I am inlove with her tiny little body.  She is in the 36 percentile, which is small, but not abnormal. Porter was very small for his age, somewhere between 10-20 percentile, so the doc is thinking miss tiny won't get much bigger than 6lbs if I go full-term (Cross fingers). Our doctor is worried about growth restriction since Porter was so small and since my uterus is only half the size it should be. 

The plan is that from now on I will be getting an ultrasound every 4 weeks to monitor baby girls growth. I will also be getting non-stress tests twice a week every week once I hit 30 weeks.  She wants to make sure that baby doesn't start getting upset in such small quarters and start trying to wiggle her way out before it is time.  Baby girl also only has a two vessel cord, instead of a three vessel cord. I.E one artery, instead of two.  This is less common, but usually not too concerning, however, since they are already worried about growth restriction; a two vessel cord can also contribute to smaller babies. So just another reason for the monthly ultrasounds. But beside that, She looks great. I love getting to see my little one so often. I am doing great and there aren't very many concerns. If they do find in the ultrasounds that she isn't growing like she should, or she is getting to stressed, then they will do a C-section and get baby girl out so she can grow better. I am so thankful for all my doctors and the support of my friends and family.  This has definitely been a challenging time in my life and I appreciate the love that surrounds me.  I am so grateful for this little spirit inside of me.  Thank you for picking me little one.  I promise that I will love you more than you ever thought possible!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

 

 16 weeks with Porter

22 weeks with Porter

The last picture of Porter living inside of me. 30 weeks. 

 Porter's first picture

 Daddy and Porter

 Mommy and Porter

 Our perfect little angle!

Love you forever and Always Darling!

My dear little miss tiny

Hello there miss tiny,

I wanted to write you a letter and let you know how much I love you. 

I love that you have assured me everyday that you are still living inside of me. Whether it is the lovely trips to the bathroom to throw up breakfast, or the little dances you perform inside of me.

 I have fallen in love with your cute little self since the moment I saw you on that black and white screen. That tiny nose. That tiny bum. That big head! :)

I love that daddy already says he loves his girls! It brings the biggest smile to my face. 

I love when people say you will be beautiful, because of course you will. 

I love that you already have made 4 appearances on that lovely black and white screen, even though one of them was not so happy. 

At 17 weeks I started spotting and cramping. Grandpa tried for 10 minutes to find your heart beat and couldn't. You scared me to death miss tiny. I almost had a heart attack.  Well we called Daddy and he came rushing down for an ultrasound. Grandpa found your heartbeat right away. 

You were just taking alittle nap deep inside of me. 

Such a little stinker you are. Just like your Daddy.

That's why I love you. I know you are going to be challenging me in every way. Thanks for sticking with me miss tiny. 

We are almost half way! February seems so far, but I know we can make it. I love you darling. Keep letting me know you are there and I will keep the faith.

Love always,

Mom

25

Twenty-five! I just had my birthday the 30th of August making me twenty-five years old. It seems odd being this age. I feel like I should be older because of all the life experiences I have gone through. As well as the fact that I have been married for over 5 years now. However, I also feel like I should be younger. When I was in High School, 25 was so old. People that were 25 were graduated from college....(I am), They were married...(I am)... They had kids...(in progress)...they had it together and had plans...(in progress).  I know to my parents I am still a young buck, but honestly I am 25!  Twenty-five means I am on the downward slope to 30. (which is not old, just more responsible and established then I feel.)  I do feel old when girls younger then me have one, two or even three children and I am still working on my first (I know Porter is my first, but you know what I mean). Honestly though I have loved the time Nate and I have had together and that I am a little older...maybe a little wiser then I would have been?? hopefully! All together, I am pretty excited to be 25. I had a fantastic birthday filled with family, friends, and happiness. Plus I received the best early birthday present ever! It was finding out that this little baby inside of me is a girl!!

16 weeks

I can't believe I am already four months along! Seems slow and fast all at the same time. The fact that we are having a baby girl still hasn't sunk in all the way for Nate and I. Whenever Nate talks about the baby, he says he, instead of she. I have to keep correcting him. It is strange though, going from being pregnant with a boy, and delivering a boy and having a boy nursery and boy pictures and always talking about our angle baby boy, to being pregnant with a girl! Seems kinda surreal. Getting in girl mode has been a big switch. BUT OH DO I LOVE IT! Thinking of girl names, and nursery themes, and bow and ribbons OH MY! Sooo fun! I can't wait to meet her and see what she will look like and be like.  Everyone keeps saying she is going to have red hair....But I don't want to get my hopes up. Because I will love her no matter what she looks like, (but red hair would be a fun surprise).  

Thought I would give you guys some pregnancy updates:

I am still sick....Yep, 16 weeks and still throwing up, but sooo totally worth it. My OB said that carrying girls is harder in His experience. Oh do I believe it. Still working on the weight gain, but He said it will come, and this week my appetite has been out of control. So I am sure I will start packing on the lbs.

I am growing! Bring on the baby bump! Some of my friends don't show forever and are super tiny and make me jealous. But honestly, Pregnancy is beautiful! I love big round bellies. I am not 5'7 and I have no torso, So I am going to show and show proud. So when I am 30 weeks and look like I am 40 weeks and about to pop, Just tell me I look beautifully pregnant :) Deal?

I just started to feel baby girl move yesterday!! I am ecstatic! I couldn't feel Porter move till 19 weeks, so this is a great surprise! When I had my ultrasound, the ultrasound tech said that she was super hyper and was moving like crazy. He also said that they don't open their hands at this stage and stay in a ball. Well baby girl made him a liar, because she was waving and straightening out and grooving with everything she had.  Just like her older brother.  Once I could feel Porter move, He never stopped. One thing that I love about my babies! They are crazy hyper just like their Mom :)

Baby girl and Mom and doing good. She is growing and is measuring great. Her head is a week bigger then the rest of her body (Thanks Nate for your huge head) so I am hoping that means she is really smart ;).

 I am going to see the specialist in 4 more weeks to get a game plan.  But for now things are just dandy. 

 I love this little girl, more then words can express.

Cast your votes!

Guess what....... Nate and I get to find out what gender our baby is on Friday! (well, hopefully, if baby corporates) We are soooo excited. We already have it all plan on how we are going to tell our families! Pictures and of course the revealing to come!

I am going to give you a little bit of info about this pregnancy compared to my one with Porter so you can cast your votes.

First Pregnancy (had a boy)

1. I got morning sickness bad, but when I discovered the amazing pill called Zofran at 6 weeks, I didn't have too many problems with it. 

2. Because Zofran was magic, I gained weight fast. 5lbs my first trimester.

3. I got headaches ALL THE TIME! It was rough.

4. I dreamed that I had a boy.

5. I felt like I was going to have a boy.

6. I carried really high.

7. I craved fresh fruits and veggies and In and Out. Weird combo right.

Second Pregnancy (to be determined)

1. I got and still have morning, afternoon and night sickness. Zofran isn't as magic as it once was.

2. I have only gained 2 pounds in 14.5 weeks. 

3. The headaches are alot milder. Thank heavens

4. I haven't had any dreams of baby. Just of baby girl nursery designs. (but I think that is because the nursery is already finished for if we have a boy)

5. I don't have a feeling of if it's girl or boy.

6. I am carrying lower.

7. I am still craving fruits and veggies, as well as Chips salsa. I can down a jar of salsa in two days :)

Soooo, there you go folks. Let the voting begin!!!

Hard

Today has been a hard day. I don't know why....but I am overcome with sadness and grief. I found myself holding Porter's little outfit and blanket, balled up on his nursery floor just crying. I still sit here crying holding tightly to the only things that he touched. His little preemie onesie that said "Thank heavens for little boys." It was too big for his tiny body. The blanket that we wrapped him in, with little elephants on it. Today seems to much to bear. I don't know why I feel this way now? I haven't felt this pain in months. I just know that today is hard.... and I miss my baby. I am so scared everyday that I am going to lose this little one inside of me. Sometimes the anxiety is too much. Pregnancy is definitely harder this time. The emotions are overwhelming. I am thankful that I have my Savior to carry me. I need Him everyday. I need that knowledge that I will be with my baby again, and that I will be okay. Because today, I am not okay. Hopefully tomorrow brings more comfort.

Is this your first?

It's a strange thing being pregnant when you have lost a child. Especially when people don't know you have already concieved, carried and delievered a baby, but you weren't able to take him home and care and love for him. 

I have been getting the question, "Oh is this your first" alot. It kinda throws me off. Do I really want to go into the whole Porter story with a stranger. I feel like if I say yes, then I am disregarding our beautiful angle baby. But if I say no, they then ask, "Oh how many do you have, What ages," Then the whole awkward, "We lost our first baby" remark comes up, then the awkward apology follows.

This is our second baby,.. But if we get to keep this one (fingers, toes and arms crossed) Then this will be our first living baby. So in reality I guess this is our First, Second baby (I stole that saying from a friend that is going through the same situation). There are going to be so many first when I have this baby. First time holding my living child. First time breast feeding. First time hearing the cries and sighs. So many firsts. However, I have already had so many seconds. This is my second pregnancy. Second time reading "What to expect when you are expecting". Second time deciding baby names and nursery themes. Second time taking belly pictures. Second time daydreaming of what this little one will look like, act like, be like.

This is my Second baby. But I pray and hope and plead everyday that this will be my First one to take home from the hospital and love everyday that the Lord allows me to!

My Dad's Wedding

My Papa got hitched on Friday! Here are the pictures from the Happy Day!

I am so thrilled for the two of you!

Paranoid

I knew I was going to be paranoid this pregnancy. I mean, honestly who wouldn't be. Lets just say thank my lucky stars that I work in a doctors office and right next to my OB. 

My doctor has been so patient with me. He is so sweet and sensitive. I recommend Dr. Skinner to anyone. When I was 6 weeks, I started having cramping. I knew logically that it was normal. Everyone cramps. It is your uterus expanding and getting thicker for the baby. However, I couldn't shake the fact that something was wrong. I was also very tender on my Left side. I knew that this baby was Ectopic. It had to be. I called my dad, Dr. Juchau and of course he said it was normal, but did I believe him, Nope, not one bit. All reason few out the window. I called my OB and he said to come down for a ultrasound. 

He found baby to be in my left uterus, completely healthy and doing great. Can you say drama queen! Everything was fine. 

Here is babies first photo 

 Yeah, pretty much a blob! But hey it's my baby blob and I am so happy that baby is in fact in my uterus. It is interesting because when I was pregnant with Porter, he was in my Right uterus.  My doctor said that I was probably just not use to my Left side contracting since it never had before. It was nice to get reassured that I wasn't completely crazy. 

I had my next appointment at 8 weeks. We did the standard blood work, vitals, answered questions.....I had ALOT! and we did another ultrasound! BONUS! We got to see our little blob again.  This time we saw little fins. Adorable! I guess the up side of being high risk is that I get to have a ultrasound at every appointment. It's nice to be able to see my baby that much and know that he/she is doing okay.

At my appointment my OB said he wants me to meet with the Perinatologist (Specialized OB doctor) at 20 weeks to get evaluated. He wants to make sure we cover all our bases and get a game plan for my third trimester. When we had Porter we found out that my placenta grew into my uterus. It was a very very rare abnormality and probably had nothing to do with why we lost Porter. I had to have two surgeries to remove it, so we just want to make sure it doesn't happen again and if it does we are prepared for it. I am something of a medical mystery.  My doctor said that I should donate my body to a Medical school and freak out all the Med students! HAHA! I love it. If some of you don't know, I have two uterous, uteri? and four kidneys and a few other interesting abnormalities. Kinda crazy, but kinda cool.

This Saturday I worked at the Clinic and it was soooo Slow. So I asked my dad if we could try to hear the babies heart beat. I was 9.5 weeks. He said not to get upset if we couldn't but he would try.  Well after about 5 or 6 minutes he found it! Babies heart was just pumping away at 165 beats a minute. Hurray! Man have I said how awesome it is to work at a doctors office! Such a huge blessing! I am so thankful for my job, my dad, my doctor and my husband for keeping me sane. Because who knows what a basket case I would be with out them. 

Here I am at 9 weeks. Nothing to show yet, but I am sure in the next few weeks there will be. I show early and I show big. 

Being Pregnant

I forgot what it was like to be pregnant. Of course I was remembering the all the beautiful things about it. Constantly daydreaming of feeling my baby move inside of me and having that "Glow."  Its amazing how all the "not so happy things" I went through, happened to slip my mind. :) Oh how they all have come flooding back.  The nausea, throwing up, acne, tiredness, dizziness, headaches and so on. But you know what.......I welcome it. Bring it on! Because as long as I am sick, I know that there is a baby inside of me. A beautiful, perfect, miracle baby that was sent to me! So I am not going to complain, however, it is definitely not a walk in the park. Pregnancy hates me. I was not built to have babies and once I am pregnant my body lets me know it.  However, what a blessing it is to even get pregnant. To have the opportunity to house one of Heavenly Fathers special spirits. To be a Mother. I can not wait! I just hope I can take this little one home with me this time. Fingers crossed. Heart full of hope. Prayers welcomed :). 

Guess What....

We are Pregnant!

5 Years!!!

Holy Macaroni and cheese Batman! Nate and I have been Married for 5 years on June 29th! I am writing this a little early because this is when I have time. It boggles my mind that it has been 5 years, but then when I look back at our marriage, we sure have been through ALOT!

Here is a quick summary of the past 5 years:

Year 1:

We got sealed in Salt Lake Temple for time and all eternity by Nate's grandpa (the best experience ever!)

Moved to St. George for Nate's work as a draftsman (a little less awesome and more anxiety provoking). 

Fell even more in love!

Worked, saved money, Worked, saved money.

Moved back to Springville (thank goodness). 

Started School and new jobs. 

Spent days working, doing homework, sleeping, eating, working, homeworking, sleeping, eating,..trying to go on dates, but mostly homework.

Year 2:

Repeat last line of year 1.

Nate lost his job for 7 months

Year 3:

I graduate from BYU! hip hip hurray! 

Went on Italy trip to celebrate graduating! Score!

Conceived a baby boy in Italy! Double Score!

Threw up for the next 30 weeks, booooo

Worked, worked, worked for me,

Studied, worked, studied for Nate

Had our beautiful angel baby.

Connected deeper to each other then we ever thought possible!

Understood how the Atonement of Jesus Christ applies to me.

Had about a 1,000 medical tests.

Found out there was nothing wrong with me or Porter.

Year 4: 

Started running and really taking care of myself

Started a Blog

Continued to work

Ran my first 5K! 

Went backpacking through Wyoming.

Nate lost his job again :(

Received the Okay to start trying to get pregnant again :)

Had my period every single picking month for the next year

Drew even closer to my husband and the Lord. 

Watched my parent separate, then get divorced

Lost myself for a moment.

Found myself again, thanks to my hubby!

Year 5:

Continued to struggle to get pregnant

Decided we weren't going to stress about it.

Fell even deeper in love

Went California twice for weddings

Nate lost his job again :(

Nate started his own business.

I started a new job...make that two.

We play outside any spare second we get. 

As of today we are just taking life as it comes. A day at a time. If I have learned anything the past 5 years, it has been that you can't control what is going to happen. You just have to do you best with what you have and pray that you can make it through. 

I am so thankful for my Nate. He is my rock, my friend, my lover, my eternal companion. I wouldn't have been able to stay sane through any of this without him. Nate has a patience and tenderness about him, that not many people do. He is the most gentle and loving man I have ever met. He truly loves the Lord and always has charity in his heart. He makes me want to be better, do better, care deeper and stand straighter. I love this guy with everything that I have. Nathan Richard Adams, I LOVE YOU! Thanks for the most wonderful 5 years of my life!

 Thanks for taking the plunge with me!

Need a Lift

I am bummed, and it's not the woe is me, I hate my life, bummed. More of the "where has all my motivation gone" bummed. I feel like I used to have so much vigor and vim. Not quite sure what has happened?  Seems like when I get home from work, I just want to cuddle with the hubs and watch a redbox or netflix. We did actually walk to Walmart yesterday to get our redbox... However it is only a mile to the store. I don't know.... I tell myself everyday, 'When you get home Katie, you will go running, clean the house, make dinner, practice making a baby (wink wink). Maybe not in that order, but only some, if any of those things get done.  I wish there was an energy pill I could take. I am with kids all day, and I honestly don't think it is fair that they get all the energy, with nothing to do with it. I feel like stress is an energy zapper. The more stressed you are, the less energy you have. Which really doesn't make since, because when you are dealing with stressful situations the added energy would be helpful. The funny thing is, there is nothing super stressful in my life right now. Sure..Nate lost his job, but he has his business and that is doing,...okay. Plus I got a second job, so we are making it... kinda LOL. And yes, we are trying to get pregnant, but honestly, the stress of that has gone way down. We are just having a good ole time being together without have a calendar tell us when to get busy. In summary, my life is pretty peachy, considering what I have been through the past couple of years. So, why the heck do I feel down so much??? Beats me, but I am sure getting annoyed with the whole, no energy gig. Any suggests on what kick starts your mood would be helpful. Thanks!

Pictures

Here are a few more pictures that were not on Jackie Norris's Blog