Thursday, November 29, 2012

Just keep growing

Man I love being pregnant!
  Don't get me wrong, my anxiety has been through the roof! Like sky high, but by golly when I wake up and see my belly moving around, I can't help but tear up. 
That's my baby girl in there. 
She is alive and already has a personality and her own special spirit. It just boggles my mind. It's totally worth all the hardships I have gone through with this pregnancy. I just want her to keep on growing. And as you can see, she is doing a mighty fine job.


Sorry for the bluriness

Monday, November 19, 2012

Porters 2nd Birthday

It was Porter's Birthday yesterday, and can't believe that it has been two years since we had him. It is strange to think that I could have had a toddler running around right now. Laughing and talking and getting into trouble. It's strange to think that he would be getting ready to be a big brother here on earth. I know that is already an amazing big brother in heaven, preparing our little miss tiny. Hopefully telling her how much she is loved and how special she is. I just imagine Porter spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Teaching others of the love of our Savior. I know he is doing this because he already did this for me. Porter taught me how truly loved I am. Loved by my family, by my friends, and especially loved by my Savior. I have gained a greater testimony and understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and how it applies to me. I am so Thankful for my heavenly son for the lessons that he taught me. 

This year's birthday was a lot different than last years. Last year I still wasn't pregnant. I still felt loss. I longed for my baby. Nate had just broken his leg. My parents were going through their divorce. My friends were struggling with awful trials. It seemed that my world was spinning out of control. I didn't understand so many things, yet I knew things would work out. Well,.. It was more of a hope that things would work out.

This year, Porters birthday was completely different. This year I am pregnant. I feel love and peace from my Father in heaven. I still long for my baby, but I feel him with me often. Nate is healthy. My dad is remarried and my mom is about to be at the end of the week. My friends are doing well, even great! I feel like my broken world has been stitched back together. I am amazed at what a year can bring. The sorrow, the joy, the confusion and reflection. One thing that has always been stable in my life has been the Gospel. The Gospel brings me light. It brings me comfort and truth. The Gospel is the only thing that gets me through the storms of life. It is my life jacket. My lighthouse. I love my Savior more than words can express. I am thankful that he let me house one of his choice spirits. I am thankful that he blessed me again to house another one, and I pray everyday that this time I will be worthy enough to keep her.

Monday, November 5, 2012


Today Nate and I meant with the Perinatologist at the University of Utah Hospital. A Perinatologist is a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. They are also trained as obstetricians, but they don't usually do the deliveries.  We saw one after we had Porter and now that I am almost in my 3rd trimester it was time to get a Game plan.  

Well, I will start off by saying, as soon as we pulled up to the hospital I started sobbing. I don't know what came over me, but some deep emotions came to the surface and spilled out all the way through the hospital.  I am sure the onlookers thought something terrible had happened. Nope, I am just an emotional wreck on occasion.  Once we were in the ultrasound room, my tears slowed and I started to get excited to see our little miss tiny.

What a character she is. We have had 3 ultrasounds so far and each one she had been my little wiggler. The ultrasound tech said that we were going to have our hands full with this hyper little one. Well I hope so! She is beautiful! Huge cheeks like her mom :). Wide nose like her dad! She is going to be a big featured baby!  We were able to see her yawning and swallowing. Sucking her thumb and playing with her feet. I am inlove with her tiny little body.  She is in the 36 percentile, which is small, but not abnormal. Porter was very small for his age, somewhere between 10-20 percentile, so the doc is thinking miss tiny won't get much bigger than 6lbs if I go full-term (Cross fingers). Our doctor is worried about growth restriction since Porter was so small and since my uterus is only half the size it should be. 

The plan is that from now on I will be getting an ultrasound every 4 weeks to monitor baby girls growth. I will also be getting non-stress tests twice a week every week once I hit 30 weeks.  She wants to make sure that baby doesn't start getting upset in such small quarters and start trying to wiggle her way out before it is time.  Baby girl also only has a two vessel cord, instead of a three vessel cord. I.E one artery, instead of two.  This is less common, but usually not too concerning, however, since they are already worried about growth restriction; a two vessel cord can also contribute to smaller babies. So just another reason for the monthly ultrasounds. But beside that, She looks great. I love getting to see my little one so often. I am doing great and there aren't very many concerns. If they do find in the ultrasounds that she isn't growing like she should, or she is getting to stressed, then they will do a C-section and get baby girl out so she can grow better. I am so thankful for all my doctors and the support of my friends and family.  This has definitely been a challenging time in my life and I appreciate the love that surrounds me.  I am so grateful for this little spirit inside of me.  Thank you for picking me little one.  I promise that I will love you more than you ever thought possible!