Life is never how you anticipate it to be. It seems like the things that you never thought you would go through happen to you.
I never ever thought I would have a child die.
I never ever thought I would have fertility issues.
I never ever thought my parents would get divorced.
I never ever thought I would have such a great relationship with my dad.
I never ever thought I would go through any of this.
But my Savior did. He knew I would be able to be there for my parents. He knew that I would struggle to have children. He knew that I would have all the trials that I do have. And He knew that I could handle them. The interesting thing is... I am handling them. Who thought this day would come. When I can rationally look at the trials in my life and understand that they will not overcome me. That I will be ok. That I can do this.
My new motto this year is "A day at a time". As my parents divorce becomes final. I have had so many different thoughts go through my mind. I am not going to go into detail about what caused my parents to separate, but I want them and you to know that I love them both. I am so thankful to have the parents I do. They raised me strong in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They supported me in all my endeavors. Through sitting through hours of dance rehearsals and competitions, to staying up till all hours of the night helping me with homework, to listen to me cry my eyes out about dumb boys and high school challenges. They were there at my wedding, when I was sealed to the man of my dreams. They held me when Porter died and cried with me when I delivered. They have been through everything with me and for that I am eternally grateful. Although they are going their separate ways, They are my parents, and I love them forever! This is another chapter to the Juchau family. We have all been through alot and our book is extremely full, but so is our love for eachother.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Christmas...What a Christmas I had. To sum it up in a word..... Surprising. I had some very tender moments this Christmas season.
A few weeks before Christmas I received an anonymous package in the mail. I opened the unmarked package to find a small box. That box held had a beautiful necklace with Porters name stamped in it. As well as a beautiful quote on the back, "A moment in our arms, Forever in our hearts." I could not believe someone would do this for me. I know I think about Porter daily, but for someone to go out of their way to do this for me? I was shocked, surprised, grateful, and amazed. Who did this? I was shocked. It made me want to be more giving. So whoever you are. Thank you. Thank you for inspiring me. You are an angel.
The next surprise I got was a book in the mail. It was from my cousin. It was a book about dealing with miscarriages and infertility through the LDS perspective. It was wonderful to read. Thank you April for thinking of me and realizing that although it has been over a year since I lost Porter, I still miss him and still ache for him, and desperately want a child.
My next surprise was another necklace. I received this from Nate's cousin, Aimee. When I opened the package I just started to cry. It was beautiful. It had Porters name on it with a little heart. How are people so thoughtful and kind and tender? I was astounded. What amazing friends and family I have in my life. I am so blessed. So now I have 3 necklaces that I can wear to keep Porter close to me and remind me of others love for me.
I am so thankful for the people in my life. I don't deserve all the love that surrounds me. I just hope that one day I can be as kind and generous as others are to me.