Monday, November 19, 2012

Porters 2nd Birthday

It was Porter's Birthday yesterday, and can't believe that it has been two years since we had him. It is strange to think that I could have had a toddler running around right now. Laughing and talking and getting into trouble. It's strange to think that he would be getting ready to be a big brother here on earth. I know that is already an amazing big brother in heaven, preparing our little miss tiny. Hopefully telling her how much she is loved and how special she is. I just imagine Porter spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Teaching others of the love of our Savior. I know he is doing this because he already did this for me. Porter taught me how truly loved I am. Loved by my family, by my friends, and especially loved by my Savior. I have gained a greater testimony and understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and how it applies to me. I am so Thankful for my heavenly son for the lessons that he taught me. 

This year's birthday was a lot different than last years. Last year I still wasn't pregnant. I still felt loss. I longed for my baby. Nate had just broken his leg. My parents were going through their divorce. My friends were struggling with awful trials. It seemed that my world was spinning out of control. I didn't understand so many things, yet I knew things would work out. Well,.. It was more of a hope that things would work out.

This year, Porters birthday was completely different. This year I am pregnant. I feel love and peace from my Father in heaven. I still long for my baby, but I feel him with me often. Nate is healthy. My dad is remarried and my mom is about to be at the end of the week. My friends are doing well, even great! I feel like my broken world has been stitched back together. I am amazed at what a year can bring. The sorrow, the joy, the confusion and reflection. One thing that has always been stable in my life has been the Gospel. The Gospel brings me light. It brings me comfort and truth. The Gospel is the only thing that gets me through the storms of life. It is my life jacket. My lighthouse. I love my Savior more than words can express. I am thankful that he let me house one of his choice spirits. I am thankful that he blessed me again to house another one, and I pray everyday that this time I will be worthy enough to keep her.

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