Monday, August 13, 2012


Today has been a hard day. I don't know why....but I am overcome with sadness and grief. I found myself holding Porter's little outfit and blanket, balled up on his nursery floor just crying. I still sit here crying holding tightly to the only things that he touched. His little preemie onesie that said "Thank heavens for little boys." It was too big for his tiny body. The blanket that we wrapped him in, with little elephants on it. Today seems to much to bear. I don't know why I feel this way now? I haven't felt this pain in months. I just know that today is hard.... and I miss my baby. I am so scared everyday that I am going to lose this little one inside of me. Sometimes the anxiety is too much. Pregnancy is definitely harder this time. The emotions are overwhelming. I am thankful that I have my Savior to carry me. I need Him everyday. I need that knowledge that I will be with my baby again, and that I will be okay. Because today, I am not okay. Hopefully tomorrow brings more comfort.


  1. I'm sorry to hear that you have to endure this. I'm sure the pain never really goes away, which is why it is so great that you have your testimony of the Savior to sustain you. Thinking of you.

  2. You know, you had all this things happening and now you are pregnant, you have way too many reasons to be emotional. I remember when I was pregnant I had days that I just cried and I felt such a sadness inside of me. I cannot imagine the sadness you feel when you miss you little baby boy and has this sadness increased by hormones. Hang in there. Have faith, we are praying for you.