All About Autumn

1. You weigh 14lbs 10oz at 11.5 months old, hence the nickname Miss Tiny!
2. You wear size 6-9 clothes, but are super long so you have to wear size 12 month pants, however they are huge around your waist.
3. You have strawberry blonde hair
4. You have the most enchanting big blue eyes, and get compliments on them all the time!
5. You love to clap
6. You love your fingers
7. You are curious about everything
8. You love to grunt and snort
9. You hate to be alone, and will cry even if someone turns their back to you.
10. You love momma, until daddy gets home. Then it's all daddy love.
11. You are a light and picky eater.
12. You like crackers, bread, apples, noodles and rice
13. You are army crawling likes it nobodies busy
14. You love Ollie, our dog. You guys are like two peas in a pod
15. You sleep 8 hours straight at night, eat, then sleep another 3-4 hours.
16. You take two hour long naps a day.
17. You love to be carried, and would rather be in someones arms over playing on the floor.
18. You fake cough all the time
19. You are a very social baby
20. You love to drink out of adult glasses, and are pretty good at it. 
21. You are obsessed with phones, and have learned to set alarms and delete apps.
22. You love bath time, and like to be on your belly splashing the whole time.
23. You have a really soft, dainty voice.
24. You would rather play with a piece of paper or over a toy.
25. You are very animated
26. You notice the tiniest of details. If there is a crumb on the table you will grab it and examine it forever.
27. You have been in the hospital a total of 50 days
28. You go to daycare two days a week
29. You have 3 teeth
30. You love your binki
31. You had major reconstructive surgery on your skull when you were only 6 months old, but you handled it like a champ. Mom on the other hand did not.
32. You had 81 stitches as a result, and your scar is almost completely faded.
33. You hate when I put lotion on you, but I do it everyday.
34. You have had 4 sets of ear infections
35. You currently have an outie belly button
36. You are a super pooper, and have a few blow outs a week.
37. You have three sets of grandparents
38. You mimic other peoples sounds
39. You go to sleep listening to music every night
40.  You have modeled for two different businesses
41. You were the first granddaughter born on Nate's side
42. You almost always fall asleep in the car
43. You wear size 1 shoes, but they never stay on your feet long.
44. Your head is in the 80th percentile
45. Your weight is in the negative 3rd percentile
46. Your height is in the 20th percentile
47. You love to snuggle
48. You have an Angel older brother looking over you.
49. You have inspired many people
50. You are truly a MIRACLE!

10 & 11 months

This little miss of mine is growing up way too fast! I feel like everyday she is learning something new. 

I am torn between loving how much she is discovering the world each day, and hating how fast each day goes. Yesterday I was able to go see my visiting teacher's brand new baby. What a shock that was! He was so tiny and helpless! I thought Autumn was still a baby. I mean she is only 15.5 lbs. However, she is definitely not a baby anymore. 

She is army crawling, sitting by herself. She jabbers and says da-da, Hi and ba-ba. She can stand up next to furniture and play with toys. She is curious and aware. She laughs and grunts and patty cakes! She is a big girl now! 

It's truly amazing how much she has accomplished in her 11 months of life!

Hard to believe that she will be ONE, in 3 weeks.  I am so proud of my Miss Tiny!

8 & 9 months

Just when I am about to type Missy's 8 month post, she is already 9 months old! She is growing so fast! 

She has decided that sitting is finally okay, but is still alittle unsure of herself unless she is up against something or someone.

She would rather just stand all day. She loves to walk around while holding my hands. I am thinking she might walk before she crawls. Crawling is not even on Autumn's radar. If I try to put her up on her hands and knees she shoots her legs out straight and lays on her belly. 

She finally got her first two teeth. I am loving her smile with her little bottom teeth showing.  She still doesn't like to eat solid food. She gags on every baby food and on anything that is on a spoon. The only foods she will eat are apples, watermelon, crackers and the Gerber rice puffs, and she has to feed them to herself.  

She is still tiny, but growing steady. She was 13lbs 13oz and 26 inches long at her 9 month check up. We are working with an Occupational therapist to help with her eating and crawling aversion.  

Missy sleeps about 8-9 hours straight at night. She goes to be around 7-7:30 pm, wakes up to eat around 3-3:30 am then goes back to sleep till 7 am. She takes two naps a day, usually from 10-11 and then one from 2-4. The best way to put her to sleep is to play some music and sing to her.

She loves dogs and gives Oli and my dads dog Buddha hugs all the time. 

She sat in the cart for the first time this month!

She absolutely loves bath time. She laughs and splashes the whole time. I get soaked every night. She loves books and thinks it's fun to scratch the pages as we read. 

She loves to look at the window and look at herself in the mirror. She could do that for hours!

 Miss tiny is such a joy to be around and I am so thankful I am her Mother!

Being a Mother

Lately I have been overwhelmed... Overwhelmed with the love I have for my children.  Sometimes I still can't believe I am actually a Mother! I remember the first time I found out I was going to be a Mother. It was April 2010. My thoughts were full of nervousness and excitement. I couldn't believe I was going to have a baby. I was going to house one of Heavenly Father's choice spirits. Later, I found out just how perfectly choice he was. As the months past and I felt my little boy move for the first time, my thoughts turned to anxiety. There really was a baby inside of me. I really was going to be responsible for a tiny little human. I didn't feel adequate. I didn't feel that I was ready. 

Then when I no longer felt my little boy kick inside me, my thoughts turned to fear, dread and panic. As you all well know, My sweet angel boy was taken away back to his Heavenly Father before I could met him.  As I delivered Porters lifeless body, my thoughts turned to the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I could have been bitter. I could have felt robbed, betrayed, alone.... but I felt.. Love, Peace and Comfort. My thoughts on what Motherhood was changed. I wasn't going to be able to tickle Porters little feet. Kiss his soft cheeks. I wasn't going to be able to chase him around the house and rock him to sleep. I wasn't going to be able to... Yet! I was going to be able to raise him. I was going to be able to hold and love and kiss him. I was his Mother! And although he had left this earth before I could meet him, I knew him! I knew him because I knew my Savior. I knew that my Savior loved him and me. I knew that he had faith in me..and I knew that He sent Porter to earth for such a brief time because he was so righteous.... so I knew that Porter had to be something special.

 For the next 18 months I pondered what Motherhood really was. My thoughts turned from being anxious about becoming a mother to Pride that I had the short time to be one. I thought of what kind of mother I wanted to be. What kind of mother my Heavenly Father wanted me to be. What kind of mother Porter wanted me to be. When we finally got pregnant with Autumn May 2012 my thoughts of inadequacy were gone. I was ready for this baby! I was ready to be the best mom I could be. I thought that I was be anxious my entire pregnancy. However, thanks to the Lord, and modern anxiety medication (Wink) I was relatively calm my 33 weeks of pregnancy. After the surprise of my water breaking, and c-section delivery wore off, I couldn't believe I finally had a living baby. It didn't really kick in that I was a Mother until we brought Autumn home 6 weeks later. Having her home, in my arms, surrounded by pictures of her older brother... That's when everything really sank in.  It has been such a heart wrenching battle getting my little family here on earth. I have learned that I am stronger than I think, and I can love much deeper than I thought possible. 

It has been such a privilege to take care of this darling spirit that Autumn is. I can just imagine Heavenly Father and Porter talking with Autumn before she came down. Telling her how strong and resilient she is. She is bound to do amazing things, because she already has. I am so Blessed to be her mother. So very blessed to be both of their mothers.

7 months

Of course this post is late, but nevertheless here it is...

Missy is 7 months old! It's so fun to see her how she has changed in just a month! Most of her swelling from her surgery is gone now! Loving her beautiful new face!

 She has been growing like a weed this past month! Her appetite is through the roof. She still doesn't like baby food. She will take a few bites then start to gag. She loves sucking on cucumbers and peaches though. We are going through tons of formula to say the least!

She is finally rolling over both ways. She master from her belly to her back months ago, however going from her back to belly was a challenge. She just didn't seem interested. Now that she has figured it out she is rolling all over the house. 

She still hates sitting, she would rather stand all day then sit for one minute. If you have her sit, she locks her legs and throws her head back so she can be straight. Such a goof!

The silliest thing Autumn has been doing this month is fake coughing. She does it all the time. It cracks me up. She looks at me coughs and then smiles! 

She loves Mr. Oliver (our dog) She squeals whenever he lays by her. He lets her pull on his ears and smack him in the face. They are best buds.

 Autumn's hair is finally starting to grow back from her surgery. It basically peach fuzz, but it is red fuzz!

Missy is giggling, and talking up a storm! She is such a character!

5 & 6 months

So I am a little behind on Autumn's month posts. Life's been a bit heck-tick with Missy's surgery, Nate losing his job and both of us looking for jobs. Oh and being a Mother is a bit time consuming! Here is Autumn's life in a nut shell the past two months!

 She decided she was a diva!

Oli has to know whats going with Autumn at all times!

 She has been constantly getting Daddy and Mommy Loves

 And may have had her first taste of Icecream....

 I can't get over how much she has grown in 4 months! 

She Celebrated the 4th of July in style

It was pretty exhausting

 She had her first Swimming lesson!

 She tried Solid food....

Not a success, unless you count spitting out the food and eating the spoon. 

 

She is almost sitting up by herself. 

She can roll over and is giggling like crazy!

Love this lil Bug!

A New Face for Autumn

(This is an extra, extra long post, so grab some popcorn and a blanket)

Autumn has a beautiful new face, but to get that face she underwent some pretty intensive surgery on June 28, 2013. She had an Anterior Cranial Vault Reconstruction with Orbital Bar Advancement. In none doctor terms, She had her forehead reshaped and her orbital ridge (top of the eye socket) moved forward. I want to write about my experience with my daughter's surgery, first for my own record and secondly, to help anyone else who has to go through something like this, have some info and comfort on the situation.

On June 27, 2013 We were told that we would have to have miss tiny fast from midnight on for her surgery at 7:30 am at Primaries Children Medical Center. Yikes! I had done the fasting thing before with miss A and it was a disaster! Lots of tears were shed on both parts to say the least.  Nate and my Father-in Law Jeff  gave missy a blessing that night, and we all said countless prayers that she would be able to handle the fast, surgery and recovery the best she could. We put Autumn to bed at 8:30 pm and Nate and I packed and talked till 11:45 pm so we could wake her and feed her for the last time till after surgery. She slept through the whole feeding but sucked down her whole bottle. I set her back in her crib at 12:10 am and went to sleep. Our alarm went off at 4 am. we got ready, expecting missy to wake at any moment. At 5:00 am we loaded up the car, including our sound asleep baby!

We arrived at 6:00 am for check-in at Primaries and Miss A was still asleep, this was a miracle! At 6:30 am we were called back to do the pre-surgery vitals on Autumn.

We woke her to find she was as happy as a clam. They took her Blood Pressure, Temp, Weight, and measured her head.

They talked to us about anesthesia and what they were going to do during surgery. Missy was a super star during all of it. We went to the Pre-OP waiting room at 7:00 am and that's when Autumn started to get alittle fussy.

We were able to entertain her by passing her around from parent to grandparent to parent again until 7:30 am when the Anesthesiologist took her back.

  My heart start to pound when he took her from me. I went into flight or fight mode. I wanted to punch him in the face for taking my baby! But thankfully my Husband was there to take my hand and lead me to the waiting room, where we would be for the next 6 hours.

Those 6 hours I did everything I could to keep my mind occupied. I played crosswords, word searches, talked, ate, played on my phone, read a book. I thought I did pretty good.  They called me every hour to update me on Autumn's Status. Every time they would say, "Parent of Autumn wanted on the Phone" I would fly off my seat and run to the phone! She was stable as could be every time. I didn't realize how the stress was effecting me until they called at 1:00 and said they were just stitching her up. They were going to transport her to the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) do a report, hook her up to all the monitors and then we could see her. That's when I noticed my whole body was aching from head to toe. They next told me, Dr. Warnock would come talked to us when he was done to tell us how the surgery went.  Waiting that 20 minutes for the Doctor took FOREVER! But once we sat down with him my anxiety lessened. He said the surgery went off without a hitch. She lost one unit of blood, which was what they planned for. Her vitals were stable the whole time, and her skull was easier to re-shape than he thought. He did let us know that he used some Cadaver bone to fill in around some of the spots in her skull. CADAVER!!! Wowzer, ok... Well if it does the job, I guess that's fine (but alittle creepy).  Also he informed us that the metal they put in her skull to keep the bones together actually melts away after a year or so. CRAZY!!! Metal, melting?? Thank goodness for smarty pants Doctors that know what they are doing!!!  After we were done talking to our Super Hero Plastic Surgeon of a Doctor, We got to go see Missy! I basically ran to the PICU, and had to wait for the rest of the family to catch up. When I saw my little miss tiny all bandaged up and hooked to a million monitors, tears welled up in my eyes.

She looked extra tiny in that hospital bed. I was alittle surprised just how different she looked already. She was already swelling, and she was super pale, from all the blood loss, but I could still see my little Autumn in there.

The nurses filled us in on what to expect the next few hours. Autumn would be confused coming out of anesthesia, so she might be fussy. Also she will have a major headache, (well of course), she will be sleepy and might get a fever. Well Missy DID NOT LIKE WAKING UP FROM ANESTHESIA. She just cried and cried. and she definitely wasn't sleepy. She cried so much that they had to put her on oxygen. They gave her Morphine for the pain, but that wasn't helping. After about 15 minutes of giving it, she would start crying again. She also had a fever, so they gave her Tylenol, but that wasn't helping either. The more she would cry, the higher her fever would get. Then she started scratching at her face, which would make her cry because her face was so tender. We couldn't keep her hands off her face. We had to put little splint things on her arms and she did not like that!

Finally after 6 hours of soothing, rocking, holding, feeding, and giving more and more morphine, I asked the nurse if maybe she could be having a reaction to the some of the meds. YUP! That was the problem, Missy apparently is allergic to Morphine. As soon as we figured that out, They gave her some Benedryl for the itching and Oxycodone for the pain, and within 10 minutes we had ourselves one happy sleepy camper! Her fever resolved it self after she calmed down and she fell asleep at 9 pm and slept till 4:30 am. I fed her from 4:30-5:00 am, they did some vitals and she continued to sleep till 8:00 am. I was up every two hours with the nurses however, asking questions,checking her vitals, and making sure Missy was still doing alright. I know the nurses know what they are doing, but she is my baby, how am I supposed to sleep, especially on a couch that was barely meant for one person, let alone me and my 6 foot husband.

We were up at 7 am on Saturday for the Nurses Shift change and Report. We met with the ICU team and they said they thought she was stable enough to transfer out of the PICU to the Infant Medical Care Unit (IMCU) a floor up from the PICU. After all the doctors did their rounds, we got the okay to transfer Missy to the IMCU around noon. It was such a relief! We got our own room, Autumn could have more than 2 visitors in her room at a time, there was a BATHROOM!, but still just a couch for a bed. Autumn got her Central Line taken out, her Artery line in her wrist removed, and her Catheter taken out, leaving her with just her two IV's in her foot. Autumn was doing really good, she was swelling a lot, but that was expected. Her nurses and doctors said by the end of the day her eyes would be swollen shut (which never happened).

She also was struggling to keep her medicine down, she threw up almost every time they gave her her pain meds. She ended up only being on them for two and a half days (SUPER STAR).  Besides the barfing, she was happy as could be. She started smiling, talking, playing with toys and eating more often. It was our 6 year anniversary that day but we weren't planning on doing anything.

However, since Autumn was doing so well and Nate's parents were there watching Autumn, we felt comfortable going out for a quick date. We went out to Sushi a few miles away. We decompressed for a few hours and then hurried back to our little miss. When we got back, Autumn was just chatting away with her grandparents. I was amazed at how well she was doing.

 I knew it was because of all the prayers and support she was getting. Throughout our stay at the hospital we received countless texts, and messages about how people were praying for her and that they put her name in the temple. Our little families name was placed in temples around the World. From London, to Houston, to several temples in Utah. It still amazes me how much people care about my family.

The rest of the night went great till around 10 pm. Out of nowhere I just started vomiting. For the next 6 hours I threw up every 20  minutes. It was unreal how violently I was vomiting.  I was so sick that if I even lifted my head to check on Autumn I would have to throw up. I felt so helpless.  Autumn would start crying, and instead of going to her side and soothing her, I had to wake up Nate to tend to her.

I was more frustrated that I was unable to comfort Autumn, then that I was throwing up. Thankfully my dad. Dr. Juchau came to my rescue Sunday morning and brought me some Zofran. All of Sunday was a blur. I slept for most of it. I was so dehydrated and tired that I don't really remember that day. Some positive things about Sunday were, Autumn was back to taking her normal 3 naps a day. Her swelling was at it's peak, and her eyes never did swell shut. She also was only taking pain meds every 8 hours, and went completely off Oxycodone

Sunday afternoon. She also had one of the two IV's removed. The one big bummer of the Sunday night was since she was feeling so well, she was wiggling so much that she ripped her last IV out. That was around 11pm on Sunday, so I was feeling well enough to stand. They had to call the IV team to come put a new one in. Let me tell you, that SUCKED! The first time they put all her IV's in she was under anesthesia. This time she was very much awake. They had to try 5 times! Poor thing was screaming and crying, and staring at me like,

WHAT THE HECK MOM!

 They finally got it in and about 4 hours later she ripped it out again. By this time it was early Monday morning and the Doctors were thinking that they were going to discharge her that afternoon, so they decided they didn't need to replace it. THANK GOODNESS!

By Monday Morning, Autumns swelling was already starting to go down. She was off antibotics, pain meds, had all her IV's out and just needed her dressings and drain removed. Dr. Warnock said that he would come remove her drain around noon, and to give her a dose of Oxycodone at eleven because it was going to hurt when he pulled it out. Nate and I played with Autumn, showered and took a nap till Dr. Warnock came. When he got to our room he took off the dressings and shown us Autumn's new skull.  I was shocked! It was beautiful! He was a miracle worker. I was pretty surprised too. She look SO different! I was amazed at just how different she looked.

 He told us that the swelling would take about a month for most of it to go down, but after a week we could see roughly how she would look.  He also told us as the swelling went down, her skull would look more and more bumpy.

This would be caused by the nuts and screws he placed in the skull and the gaps he left. As she grows her own bone will fill in and the metal will melt away, smoothing out her skull. Next Dr. Warnock had to remove the drain that was in place to remove the blood and fluid from doing the surgery.  He informed us that even though Autumn received pain meds, pulling the drain was going to hurt really really bad for about 30 seconds, and that he was sorry, but this was usually the most painful part of the whole process.  Nate decided that it would be too much for him, so he left, leaving me to hold Autumn's hand. **Side note ( I have never heard my daughter scream this hard in her 6 months of life) ** When he pulled that drain, Autumn turn the darkest purple I have ever seen and had the most blood curtly scream I had ever heard. Thankfully after a minute or so she calmed down, but that was one LONG minute!!! After the drain was out and Autumn and I were composed, the nurse gave her a bath. She told us that our Doc said she was good to go! We packed up and received all our discharge instructions. Give her Tylenol every 4-6 hours, put Bacitracin on her incision twice a day and meet with Dr. Warnock in 10 days. Pretty easy!

Since we have been home, Autumn has been doing amazing! She has struggled to keep tylenol down, so we have had to get some suppositories for her. I think taking those gross pain meds by mouth every 4 hours Has caused her to throw up every oral medication. She also has been getting up every 2 hours at night, but that was expected. I am sure it gets uncomfortable laying in one spot for too long. Besides the vomiting and sleeping, I would say Missy is Super Human! She has recovered so well. Hardly any bruising, she hasn't decline developmentally, which we were told would happen. Plus she seems to be smiling more than she did before surgery. I think Nate and I have probably had a harder time then her. It just amazes me how resilient babies are. Especially when they have the support that she has had. Little miss tiny has sure gone through a lot in her 6 months of life. Being born 7 weeks early, staying in the NICU for 6 weeks, losing weight due to reflux, have major reconstructive surgery on her skull. WHAT A TROOPER I have! This girl has had her fair share of hospital time and physical problems. I am so thankful that through all of it we have had the Lord on our side. I don't think I would have been able to get through any of this without the knowledge that I have someone bigger than myself to lean on, that the Lord knows who I am. He knows the anxiety, pain, frustration, sadness, and fear that I feel. He has felt it Himself and knows EXACTLY what I need to get through the struggles that I have. I am also so grateful for the friends and family in my life. I have the best support group! I feel that through the loss of our angel baby, our struggle with infertility, my parents divorce, and everything we have been through with Autumn, I have the most unique, real and amazing friends. What a blessing all of these trials have been. I just hope that we can be done with the hospital for a while. I am ready for a boring, everyday life these days!

The surgery details

(viewer discretion is advised, this post is not for the weak of stomach, also it has some graphic pictures)

Today we went to see the Neurosurgeon to better understand exactly what will be happening to our Miss Tiny in July. It was very informative. We were able to see the 3D CT scan of her skull and discuss how they were going to fix her malformed skull. Dr. Cambrin told us that if we didn't do the surgery there is a 15% chance her fused skull would effect her intelligence. That is high enough for me! Also, without surgery she will become deformed looking, and surely get teased her whole life. Which apparently can also lower intelligence. So of course we are going forward with the surgery in July. 

What her skull should look like

What Autumn's Skull does look like
 The image is opposite, but the forehead should not be fused!

Dr. Cambrin explain exactly what they will be doing. I have provided some pictures to better illustrate. So you can stop reading now if you don't want to know what is going to happen to our little Autumn.

They start by making a zig-zag cut from ear to ear. They do the zig-zag so her hair can more naturally grow over it. 

Next they will pull her forehead skin down to expose her frontal bones. They next drill holes in her skull, so the Neurosurgeon can push the dura (brain cover) away from the skull so when they remove the frontal bone it won't pull any of the precious dura with it. Next is the CRAZY part. They actually remove up to half of her skull, including her orbital ridge! The Plastic Surgeon shapes the skull on a table and makes it look beautiful, Meanwhile leaving her brain exposed. Now obviously they keep it moist and clean, but its alittle freaky right!!!! 

 

Then they place the beautifully shaped frontal bone back on her head and attach it and sew up her skin. Isn't that just incredible!

Look at that Before and After! Just amazing! I am soooo super nervous, but I am excited as well. I am excited to see what my already beautiful daughter is going to look like with a normal forehead! I just wish we could skip the actual surgery process. You can imagine how awful they look right after surgery. The swelling and bruising is pretty bad. However, my surgeron's says it looks worse then it is. 

Looks pretty bad to me, but I know that she is in the best hands out there! Dr. Cambrin said she will just have to stay one day in the ICU, then 3-4 in inpatient. So, not too bad! Then after a few days they are back to their happy selves! It amazes me how fast babies heal. Good thing or I would be a mess with worrying about her pain. I feel awful that Miss A has to go through this, but I am thankful that the technology and knowledge is available. 

Love this gorgeous girl!

4 Months old

Missy just two week after we brought her home from the NICU. Hard to believe how far she has come in 4 months.

Stinker wouldn't get me a smile for any of her month pictures. She is too concerned with that giraffe next to her

She is in the same newborn onesie for all of her month pics

Miss Tiny is tipping the scales at 8lbs 14 oz (2nd percentile) and 22 inches (10th percentile) Still just itty bitty!

Autumn figured out how to smile this month, and Oh Boy! I am in love!  She just melts me every time she gives me that gummy smile! (the middle picture kills me)

One of her most favorite things to do is skin on skin with her daddy!

She finally fits in 0-3 months clothes! She definitely got good use out of her newborns.

Autumn got a new cousin on May 3rd! Kennedy Alice Adams. 9lbs 12oz and 21 inches! What a chunk. Just born and already bigger than Miss A.

She still loves to sleep with her hands out, and hates to be swaddled. Her binki is like a drug. You stick that in her mouth and her eyes roll back and she is a goner! Another adorable thing she does is coos and sighs in her sleep. She does it all night. Its the most precious noise ever!

And with that I leave you with a mid sneeze from Autumn!