Porter

I have always wanted to start a blog, however I have felt that there was nothing of merit to mention in my life. Times have certainly changed for me and my little family. This past year has shown more happiness and sorrow to me then I thought possible. I thought I knew who I was... I thought I knew who I wanted to be. However, November 18th 2010 at 6:00 am my life changed forever. My beautiful Son, Porter Owen Adams was born still and quiet. No cries were heard from him, just sobs from his mother. He truly altered my life forever. Porter died for some unknown reason between November 14th-15th. This news was not only heartbreaking but it shattered my very soul. How could my baby die with just 8 weeks left before I got to meet him and hold him and feed him and love him. My beautiful baby was taken away from me, yet he was still there inside of me... How could this be so? I suddenly felt empty, lost, mad, frustrated, betrayed, confused and helpless all at once. 2 hours later the long delivery process started. I won't bother with all the details of Porters delivery, but what I will say is that it was the most painful, emotional, strengthen, inspiring, 36 hours of my life. Porter changed me forever. He taught me what it means to be a mother. He showed me that families can be together forever and that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows me more than I ever thought possible. He showed me that I am stronger than I imagined. He showed me the many types of love that surround me everyday. I am so grateful for my son. Thank you Porter for teaching me more about myself in 2 days than I have learned my whole life. Thank you for being so perfect that you didn't need to be on this earth. You are truly special my beautiful Porter. I love you, I love you, I love you. I miss you so much sometimes I think the ache will never leave my heart. I still feel like I lost a part of me when you died, but I gained so much in return. I can not wait till I get to raise you and play with you and laugh with you. I am always thinking of you my precious baby Porter!
- Love mom