It hurts that it has been a year and a half since I had my beautiful baby boy,
It hurts that I have to keep waiting to get to hold him again
It hurts that we had to wait six months, before we could start trying again.
It hurts that now it has been a year past that and we still have conceived a child.
It hurts that I teach sunbeams.
It hurts when I sit in sacrament around pregnant bellies each week,
It hurts when my friends get pregnant, have babies, and get pregnant again, yet I still haven't.
It hurts when people that have never gone through what I have, try to give me advice.
It hurts when I plan and give baby showers
It hurts when I play with my niece and nephews
It hurts when I do Well Child Checks at work.
It hurts when I am all alone,
It hurts when I have my period
It hurts when I read my scriptures
It hurts when pray
It is wonderful that I was able to conceive and carry a child inside of me.
It is wonderful that I understand the Atonement and I will get to hold my son again.
It is wonderful the time I have had with my husband to grow in our relationship.
It is wonderful all that I have completed in the year and half since we lost Porter.
It is wonderful that I have a calling in Church where I can be so close to children and feel of their love.
It is wonderful that I am an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
It is wonderful that my friends are so fertitle and get blessed with such amazing spirits.
It is wonderful that people try to help, and give me advice even if they make it worse.
It is wonderful that I even have friends plan baby showers for.
It is wonderful that I have a job, and get to hold babies almost every day.
It is wonderful that my body works and that I am regular each month.
It is wonderful that I have the scriptures to read that give me light and knowledge
It is wonderful that the Lord hears my prayers.
It is wonderful... Wonderful to me!