Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Seems like the name of my Blog is very fitting these days. "Just keep Swimming" well, I am trying too, but too many darn things keep happening! A few weeks ago my amazing husband lost his job for the third time in our 4 year marriage. It was completely out of nowhere. They just called him in and said, Sorry we don't have anything else for you to do. No two week notice or severance pay, just the boot. Well because of the past two times Nate lost his job we were prepared. We had put some money aside in savings for a rainy day. Turns out the car needed 4 new tires and it had to get registered. That wasn't planned for so we said goodbye to half of savings. However we did have some good luck. A week before Nate lost his job he started washing windows on the side to get some extra income. That was a blessing because he is now making about half of what he was at his job, which is better than nothing. I am grateful that I still have my job and I know things could be worse, but the hardest part of all of this is that with Nate being unemployed it puts a halt on having a baby. I am completely and utterly 100 percent ready to have a baby. I was ready 18 months ago when Nate and I started trying. It has been 8 months since we had Porter and 2 months since we started trying again and now to stop, once more is truly breaking my heart. I just sobbed and sobbed until my tears ran dry a few days ago. I feel like I have a hole inside of me that can only be filled by a child. I hate this feeling of helplessness I get when I see other babies. I know that I will have children someday. I know that my Heavenly Father has special spirits in heaven waiting to come down to earth and meet me. I know that they can't wait and that Heavenly Father is teaching me patience and long suffering so I will be the mom that He knows I can become. I just need to Keep Swimming, keep my heart full of all the love that is around me and keep believing that I will have children, and that they will be more loved and appreciated than anything on this earth.