Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Keep swimming

Seems like the name of my Blog is very fitting these days. "Just keep Swimming" well, I am trying too, but too many darn things keep happening! A few weeks ago my amazing husband lost his job for the third time in our 4 year marriage.  It was completely out of nowhere. They just called him in and said, Sorry we don't have anything else for you to do. No two week notice or severance pay, just the boot. Well because of the past two times Nate lost his job we were prepared. We had put some money aside in savings for a rainy day. Turns out the car needed 4 new tires and it had to get registered. That wasn't planned for so we said goodbye to half of savings. However we did have some good luck. A week before Nate lost his job he started washing windows on the side to get some extra income. That was a blessing because he is now making about half of what he was at his job, which is better than nothing. I am grateful that I still have my job and I know things could be worse, but the hardest part of all of this is that with Nate being unemployed it puts a halt on having a baby. I am completely and utterly 100 percent ready to have a baby. I was ready 18 months ago when Nate and I started trying. It has been 8 months since we had Porter and 2 months since we started trying again and now to stop, once more is truly breaking my heart. I just sobbed and sobbed until my tears ran dry a few days ago. I feel like I have a hole inside of me that can only be filled by a child. I hate this feeling of helplessness I get when I see other babies. I know that I will have children someday. I know that my Heavenly Father has special spirits in heaven waiting to come down to earth and meet me. I know that they can't wait and that Heavenly Father is teaching me patience and long suffering so I will be the mom that He knows I can become. I just need to Keep Swimming, keep my heart full of all the love that is around me and keep believing that I will have children, and that they will be more loved and appreciated than anything on this earth.


  1. All I could do was just let out a sigh after reading this. I am so sorry, Katie. I think I understand a little bit of what you mean by feeling helpless when you see babies. That describes well how I feel whenever something reminds me of my dad. Your post gave me the boost I needed today. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and reminding me that I just need to keep swimming. Love you lots.


  2. I love you Katie!! I wish we lived closer and could play lots!! You are an amazing girl!

  3. Katie, I know how you feel. I know you don't know me well, I am Dave clarks younger sister. I just came across this post and had to comment. We tried for a year to get pregnant. I haven't had a period for a year and a half. Not one bit. And, I was getting all kinds of blood tests, and they told me I wasn't ovulating. I found out I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Just 2 weeks ago, I went to the doctor because I thought I maybe had a cyst, and turns out, it's a baby! I know it was truly a miracle, because literally every time I go to the doc they tell me I will not get pregnant. I know things happen on the Lords time and on his terms. You must just be strong enough to handle this trial. I am SO sorry from the bottom of my heart that you have been struggling. Just know everything happens for a reason. I hated hearing that when I was in the midst of everything. Nothing comforted me, so I understand if you feel the same. If you ever need to talk, I will always be there for ya! (btw, I am only 7 weeks along, and havent told people yet, so i'm sure others will read this and find out haha, but that's ok. I just wanted you to know that it IS possible, and it does happen on the Lord's term!) I am also sorry to hear about your hubby loosing his job. If you need something, my husband works at USSynthetic and they are always hiring, and they are an amazing company in orem to work for.

    sorry, im signed in to my work blog. But my info is below:

    -Gillian (clark) Mohlman

  4. Gillian, Thank you so much for your comment. Congratulations! I am so excited for you and your baby. What an amazing miracle! I hope that everything works out and that you have a beautiful healthy baby. It really is comforting to hear other peoples stories about the trials they went through, and how they overcame them and are pregnant or had a baby. Thank you so much for let me know your story. I hope that we can keep in touch.

  5. hey babe..your post broke my heart yet made me feel so much better as well. Life is full of ups and downs. I was having a down but your inspiring words and dedication to what you know is true helps me pick myself up and go for another day. love you.

  6. Linds! I love you! Thank you for your kind words. I hope that you are doing well. I am doing lots better. Nate just got a job! He starts August 8th. All I can say is prayer and tithing work! Thanks for you love and please talk to me anytime if you are struggling.