Monday, July 29, 2013

5 & 6 months

So I am a little behind on Autumn's month posts. Life's been a bit heck-tick with Missy's surgery, Nate losing his job and both of us looking for jobs. Oh and being a Mother is a bit time consuming! Here is Autumn's life in a nut shell the past two months!


 She decided she was a diva!

Oli has to know whats going with Autumn at all times!


 She has been constantly getting Daddy and Mommy Loves

 And may have had her first taste of Icecream....

 I can't get over how much she has grown in 4 months! 






She Celebrated the 4th of July in style

It was pretty exhausting


 She had her first Swimming lesson!


 She tried Solid food....
Not a success, unless you count spitting out the food and eating the spoon
 
She is almost sitting up by herself. 
She can roll over and is giggling like crazy!
Love this lil Bug!




Sunday, July 7, 2013

A New Face for Autumn

(This is an extra, extra long post, so grab some popcorn and a blanket)

Autumn has a beautiful new face, but to get that face she underwent some pretty intensive surgery on June 28, 2013. She had an Anterior Cranial Vault Reconstruction with Orbital Bar Advancement. In none doctor terms, She had her forehead reshaped and her orbital ridge (top of the eye socket) moved forward. I want to write about my experience with my daughter's surgery, first for my own record and secondly, to help anyone else who has to go through something like this, have some info and comfort on the situation.

On June 27, 2013 We were told that we would have to have miss tiny fast from midnight on for her surgery at 7:30 am at Primaries Children Medical Center. Yikes! I had done the fasting thing before with miss A and it was a disaster! Lots of tears were shed on both parts to say the least.  Nate and my Father-in Law Jeff  gave missy a blessing that night, and we all said countless prayers that she would be able to handle the fast, surgery and recovery the best she could. We put Autumn to bed at 8:30 pm and Nate and I packed and talked till 11:45 pm so we could wake her and feed her for the last time till after surgery. She slept through the whole feeding but sucked down her whole bottle. I set her back in her crib at 12:10 am and went to sleep. Our alarm went off at 4 am. we got ready, expecting missy to wake at any moment. At 5:00 am we loaded up the car, including our sound asleep baby!


We arrived at 6:00 am for check-in at Primaries and Miss A was still asleep, this was a miracle! At 6:30 am we were called back to do the pre-surgery vitals on Autumn.

We woke her to find she was as happy as a clam. They took her Blood Pressure, Temp, Weight, and measured her head.

They talked to us about anesthesia and what they were going to do during surgery. Missy was a super star during all of it. We went to the Pre-OP waiting room at 7:00 am and that's when Autumn started to get alittle fussy.

We were able to entertain her by passing her around from parent to grandparent to parent again until 7:30 am when the Anesthesiologist took her back.

  My heart start to pound when he took her from me. I went into flight or fight mode. I wanted to punch him in the face for taking my baby! But thankfully my Husband was there to take my hand and lead me to the waiting room, where we would be for the next 6 hours.

Those 6 hours I did everything I could to keep my mind occupied. I played crosswords, word searches, talked, ate, played on my phone, read a book. I thought I did pretty good.  They called me every hour to update me on Autumn's Status. Every time they would say, "Parent of Autumn wanted on the Phone" I would fly off my seat and run to the phone! She was stable as could be every time. I didn't realize how the stress was effecting me until they called at 1:00 and said they were just stitching her up. They were going to transport her to the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) do a report, hook her up to all the monitors and then we could see her. That's when I noticed my whole body was aching from head to toe. They next told me, Dr. Warnock would come talked to us when he was done to tell us how the surgery went.  Waiting that 20 minutes for the Doctor took FOREVER! But once we sat down with him my anxiety lessened. He said the surgery went off without a hitch. She lost one unit of blood, which was what they planned for. Her vitals were stable the whole time, and her skull was easier to re-shape than he thought. He did let us know that he used some Cadaver bone to fill in around some of the spots in her skull. CADAVER!!! Wowzer, ok... Well if it does the job, I guess that's fine (but alittle creepy).  Also he informed us that the metal they put in her skull to keep the bones together actually melts away after a year or so. CRAZY!!! Metal, melting?? Thank goodness for smarty pants Doctors that know what they are doing!!!  After we were done talking to our Super Hero Plastic Surgeon of a Doctor, We got to go see Missy! I basically ran to the PICU, and had to wait for the rest of the family to catch up. When I saw my little miss tiny all bandaged up and hooked to a million monitors, tears welled up in my eyes.

She looked extra tiny in that hospital bed. I was alittle surprised just how different she looked already. She was already swelling, and she was super pale, from all the blood loss, but I could still see my little Autumn in there.

The nurses filled us in on what to expect the next few hours. Autumn would be confused coming out of anesthesia, so she might be fussy. Also she will have a major headache, (well of course), she will be sleepy and might get a fever. Well Missy DID NOT LIKE WAKING UP FROM ANESTHESIA. She just cried and cried. and she definitely wasn't sleepy. She cried so much that they had to put her on oxygen. They gave her Morphine for the pain, but that wasn't helping. After about 15 minutes of giving it, she would start crying again. She also had a fever, so they gave her Tylenol, but that wasn't helping either. The more she would cry, the higher her fever would get. Then she started scratching at her face, which would make her cry because her face was so tender. We couldn't keep her hands off her face. We had to put little splint things on her arms and she did not like that!
Finally after 6 hours of soothing, rocking, holding, feeding, and giving more and more morphine, I asked the nurse if maybe she could be having a reaction to the some of the meds. YUP! That was the problem, Missy apparently is allergic to Morphine. As soon as we figured that out, They gave her some Benedryl for the itching and Oxycodone for the pain, and within 10 minutes we had ourselves one happy sleepy camper! Her fever resolved it self after she calmed down and she fell asleep at 9 pm and slept till 4:30 am. I fed her from 4:30-5:00 am, they did some vitals and she continued to sleep till 8:00 am. I was up every two hours with the nurses however, asking questions,checking her vitals, and making sure Missy was still doing alright. I know the nurses know what they are doing, but she is my baby, how am I supposed to sleep, especially on a couch that was barely meant for one person, let alone me and my 6 foot husband.

We were up at 7 am on Saturday for the Nurses Shift change and Report. We met with the ICU team and they said they thought she was stable enough to transfer out of the PICU to the Infant Medical Care Unit (IMCU) a floor up from the PICU. After all the doctors did their rounds, we got the okay to transfer Missy to the IMCU around noon. It was such a relief! We got our own room, Autumn could have more than 2 visitors in her room at a time, there was a BATHROOM!, but still just a couch for a bed. Autumn got her Central Line taken out, her Artery line in her wrist removed, and her Catheter taken out, leaving her with just her two IV's in her foot. Autumn was doing really good, she was swelling a lot, but that was expected. Her nurses and doctors said by the end of the day her eyes would be swollen shut (which never happened).


She also was struggling to keep her medicine down, she threw up almost every time they gave her her pain meds. She ended up only being on them for two and a half days (SUPER STAR).  Besides the barfing, she was happy as could be. She started smiling, talking, playing with toys and eating more often. It was our 6 year anniversary that day but we weren't planning on doing anything.

However, since Autumn was doing so well and Nate's parents were there watching Autumn, we felt comfortable going out for a quick date. We went out to Sushi a few miles away. We decompressed for a few hours and then hurried back to our little miss. When we got back, Autumn was just chatting away with her grandparents. I was amazed at how well she was doing.

 I knew it was because of all the prayers and support she was getting. Throughout our stay at the hospital we received countless texts, and messages about how people were praying for her and that they put her name in the temple. Our little families name was placed in temples around the World. From London, to Houston, to several temples in Utah. It still amazes me how much people care about my family.

The rest of the night went great till around 10 pm. Out of nowhere I just started vomiting. For the next 6 hours I threw up every 20  minutes. It was unreal how violently I was vomiting.  I was so sick that if I even lifted my head to check on Autumn I would have to throw up. I felt so helpless.  Autumn would start crying, and instead of going to her side and soothing her, I had to wake up Nate to tend to her.

I was more frustrated that I was unable to comfort Autumn, then that I was throwing up. Thankfully my dad. Dr. Juchau came to my rescue Sunday morning and brought me some Zofran. All of Sunday was a blur. I slept for most of it. I was so dehydrated and tired that I don't really remember that day. Some positive things about Sunday were, Autumn was back to taking her normal 3 naps a day. Her swelling was at it's peak, and her eyes never did swell shut. She also was only taking pain meds every 8 hours, and went completely off Oxycodone

Sunday afternoon. She also had one of the two IV's removed. The one big bummer of the Sunday night was since she was feeling so well, she was wiggling so much that she ripped her last IV out. That was around 11pm on Sunday, so I was feeling well enough to stand. They had to call the IV team to come put a new one in. Let me tell you, that SUCKED! The first time they put all her IV's in she was under anesthesia. This time she was very much awake. They had to try 5 times! Poor thing was screaming and crying, and staring at me like,
WHAT THE HECK MOM!

 They finally got it in and about 4 hours later she ripped it out again. By this time it was early Monday morning and the Doctors were thinking that they were going to discharge her that afternoon, so they decided they didn't need to replace it. THANK GOODNESS!

By Monday Morning, Autumns swelling was already starting to go down. She was off antibotics, pain meds, had all her IV's out and just needed her dressings and drain removed. Dr. Warnock said that he would come remove her drain around noon, and to give her a dose of Oxycodone at eleven because it was going to hurt when he pulled it out. Nate and I played with Autumn, showered and took a nap till Dr. Warnock came. When he got to our room he took off the dressings and shown us Autumn's new skull.  I was shocked! It was beautiful! He was a miracle worker. I was pretty surprised too. She look SO different! I was amazed at just how different she looked.

 He told us that the swelling would take about a month for most of it to go down, but after a week we could see roughly how she would look.  He also told us as the swelling went down, her skull would look more and more bumpy.

This would be caused by the nuts and screws he placed in the skull and the gaps he left. As she grows her own bone will fill in and the metal will melt away, smoothing out her skull. Next Dr. Warnock had to remove the drain that was in place to remove the blood and fluid from doing the surgery.  He informed us that even though Autumn received pain meds, pulling the drain was going to hurt really really bad for about 30 seconds, and that he was sorry, but this was usually the most painful part of the whole process.  Nate decided that it would be too much for him, so he left, leaving me to hold Autumn's hand. **Side note ( I have never heard my daughter scream this hard in her 6 months of life) ** When he pulled that drain, Autumn turn the darkest purple I have ever seen and had the most blood curtly scream I had ever heard. Thankfully after a minute or so she calmed down, but that was one LONG minute!!! After the drain was out and Autumn and I were composed, the nurse gave her a bath. She told us that our Doc said she was good to go! We packed up and received all our discharge instructions. Give her Tylenol every 4-6 hours, put Bacitracin on her incision twice a day and meet with Dr. Warnock in 10 days. Pretty easy!

Since we have been home, Autumn has been doing amazing! She has struggled to keep tylenol down, so we have had to get some suppositories for her. I think taking those gross pain meds by mouth every 4 hours Has caused her to throw up every oral medication. She also has been getting up every 2 hours at night, but that was expected. I am sure it gets uncomfortable laying in one spot for too long. Besides the vomiting and sleeping, I would say Missy is Super Human! She has recovered so well. Hardly any bruising, she hasn't decline developmentally, which we were told would happen. Plus she seems to be smiling more than she did before surgery. I think Nate and I have probably had a harder time then her. It just amazes me how resilient babies are. Especially when they have the support that she has had. Little miss tiny has sure gone through a lot in her 6 months of life. Being born 7 weeks early, staying in the NICU for 6 weeks, losing weight due to reflux, have major reconstructive surgery on her skull. WHAT A TROOPER I have! This girl has had her fair share of hospital time and physical problems. I am so thankful that through all of it we have had the Lord on our side. I don't think I would have been able to get through any of this without the knowledge that I have someone bigger than myself to lean on, that the Lord knows who I am. He knows the anxiety, pain, frustration, sadness, and fear that I feel. He has felt it Himself and knows EXACTLY what I need to get through the struggles that I have. I am also so grateful for the friends and family in my life. I have the best support group! I feel that through the loss of our angel baby, our struggle with infertility, my parents divorce, and everything we have been through with Autumn, I have the most unique, real and amazing friends. What a blessing all of these trials have been. I just hope that we can be done with the hospital for a while. I am ready for a boring, everyday life these days!


Monday, May 20, 2013

The surgery details


(viewer discretion is advised, this post is not for the weak of stomach, also it has some graphic pictures)

Today we went to see the Neurosurgeon to better understand exactly what will be happening to our Miss Tiny in July. It was very informative. We were able to see the 3D CT scan of her skull and discuss how they were going to fix her malformed skull. Dr. Cambrin told us that if we didn't do the surgery there is a 15% chance her fused skull would effect her intelligence. That is high enough for me! Also, without surgery she will become deformed looking, and surely get teased her whole life. Which apparently can also lower intelligence. So of course we are going forward with the surgery in July. 

What her skull should look like



What Autumn's Skull does look like
 The image is opposite, but the forehead should not be fused!

Dr. Cambrin explain exactly what they will be doing. I have provided some pictures to better illustrate. So you can stop reading now if you don't want to know what is going to happen to our little Autumn.
They start by making a zig-zag cut from ear to ear. They do the zig-zag so her hair can more naturally grow over it. 


Next they will pull her forehead skin down to expose her frontal bones. They next drill holes in her skull, so the Neurosurgeon can push the dura (brain cover) away from the skull so when they remove the frontal bone it won't pull any of the precious dura with it. Next is the CRAZY part. They actually remove up to half of her skull, including her orbital ridge! The Plastic Surgeon shapes the skull on a table and makes it look beautiful, Meanwhile leaving her brain exposed. Now obviously they keep it moist and clean, but its alittle freaky right!!!! 








Then they place the beautifully shaped frontal bone back on her head and attach it and sew up her skin. Isn't that just incredible!



Look at that Before and After! Just amazing! I am soooo super nervous, but I am excited as well. I am excited to see what my already beautiful daughter is going to look like with a normal forehead! I just wish we could skip the actual surgery process. You can imagine how awful they look right after surgery. The swelling and bruising is pretty bad. However, my surgeron's says it looks worse then it is. 





Looks pretty bad to me, but I know that she is in the best hands out there! Dr. Cambrin said she will just have to stay one day in the ICU, then 3-4 in inpatient. So, not too bad! Then after a few days they are back to their happy selves! It amazes me how fast babies heal. Good thing or I would be a mess with worrying about her pain. I feel awful that Miss A has to go through this, but I am thankful that the technology and knowledge is available. 


Love this gorgeous girl!

Monday, May 6, 2013

4 Months old

Missy just two week after we brought her home from the NICU. Hard to believe how far she has come in 4 months.
Stinker wouldn't get me a smile for any of her month pictures. She is too concerned with that giraffe next to her

She is in the same newborn onesie for all of her month pics
Miss Tiny is tipping the scales at 8lbs 14 oz (2nd percentile) and 22 inches (10th percentile) Still just itty bitty!



Autumn figured out how to smile this month, and Oh Boy! I am in love!  She just melts me every time she gives me that gummy smile! (the middle picture kills me)

One of her most favorite things to do is skin on skin with her daddy!


She finally fits in 0-3 months clothes! She definitely got good use out of her newborns.




Autumn got a new cousin on May 3rd! Kennedy Alice Adams. 9lbs 12oz and 21 inches! What a chunk. Just born and already bigger than Miss A.
She still loves to sleep with her hands out, and hates to be swaddled. Her binki is like a drug. You stick that in her mouth and her eyes roll back and she is a goner! Another adorable thing she does is coos and sighs in her sleep. She does it all night. Its the most precious noise ever!
And with that I leave you with a mid sneeze from Autumn!




Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Angel mommy

I have been thinking about my angel baby alot this past week. I have been thinking about how he would be interacting with Autumn.Would he want to be rough and want to play with her... Be gentle and talk with her.  He would be 2 1/2 years old now. Wow,... seems so long ago, yet like it just happened. He would probably getting into trouble and being the cutest little toddler ever! It is crazy to think of me having two living children right now. I find it a blessing and a trial that we lost Porter. Nate and I went through some serious stretching and strengthening in our marriage. I became closer to my Savior. I mourned more than I ever had. I fought depression and anxiety. I found myself again. I figured out the kind of Mother I wanted to be. Porter changed me. He made me better. He made me more prepared for his little sister to come down. He helped me grow my patience. He helped me understand what long-suffering really means. He helped me understand the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and how absolutely amazing it is. He showed me that I have sorrow hidden deep down inside of me, that only a few can understand. He helped me appreciate every second of being pregnant with Autumn, although it was awful at times. He has allowed me to love Autumn with the love of 100 mothers. He helped me find other angel mommies, that have hurt as I have, and have experienced the joy of having another baby as I did.  I am thankful for his special spirit. I miss him all the time, especially now that Autumn is here. I miss the things I never got to experience with him. The touches, smiles, crys, diaper changes, late night feedings. At times I feel robbed. Robbed of the experience to be Porters mom. But then I remember that I am still his Mother. I still get to raise him. He is my angel and I know he is looking out for me and Autumn. Sometimes it seems as though Autumn is staring at nothing, but then I think... Maybe Porter is here, and she is just looking at her older brother; having alittle conversation with him. I love my two babies. What miracles they are.


Saturday, April 13, 2013

Self-Worth

I have been pondering self-worth alot lately.

I compare myself to others... ALOT
I compare my clothes, my hair, skin, teeth, body, finances, schooling, house, my spirituality,... You name it.  

I don't think I do it on purpose, or that I am even aware of it most of the time.

I mostly just say little things to myself like,
Oh I should have worn a different outfit to this function, so and so looks so adorable.  
Or wow, so and so has such nice skin, lucky. 
Or wow, how did so and so get so thin after just having a baby, Why can't I lose the weight.
Or, Why is so and so able to afford to go or do x,y,z and we can't.
Or, Wow, so and so is so well versed in the scriptures,whats my problem
Or, wow, so and so is so smart, Why did I just say that dumb thing.

But you know what!.... 
I am pretty,.. Maybe not in hollywood terms, but my hubby loves me just the way I am.
I don't have clear skin, but my crazy hormones are proof that I had a baby and I am a women and yeah, oh well, thats why there is makeup.
I may not have the finances to go buy all the dream clothes I want, but at least I have be approximately the same size since I was 18, so most of my clothes still fit me.
I may not be back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but this weight shows the 8 months I was pregnant and the amazing little baby that I get the pleasure of caring for.
I may not remember all of what I learned in College, or I may not read as much as I should, But I did receive my Bachelors Degree and I get to snuggle and play with my little baby all day.
I may not be the most well versed or educated in church doctrine, But by golly do I have a testimony of My Savior and of His Gospel. I know with all my heart it is true and that I am beloved by Him!

I measure my self worth by those that I love and that love me. By my accomplishments and trials that I have overcome. And by those standards I am worth a whole lot!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

3 months

As I sit here on the computer I am overcome with such amazement and joy at the little mini-me asleep in her swing. It's hard to believe she has only been apart of my life for 3 months  (and 8 months in utero). I can't imagine my life without her. Heavenly Father has blessed me beyond measure with this tiny little girl. She is such a strong girl. She has quiet the personality as well.
 
Autumn loves to have her hand out stretched at all times.


She loves to furrow her brow
 
She is getting super strong and holding her head up
 
She is on the verge of smiling...
(for real, not just sleep and gas smiles)
Oh my heart can bearly wait.
 
She has doubled in weight since birth!
 
 
She is a super star at tracking and can follow my face!

 
She loves tummy time


She loves her car seat, and always falls right to sleep
 
 
She yawns more than any baby I have ever seen
 
She Loves her Binki
(thank goodness)
 
 
She has a mom that adores her
 
And a Dad who Cherishs her

What a Blessed Family we are!