Autumn's Arrival

Well hello world, My name is Autumn Elizabeth Adams and I decided at 1:30 on January 3, 2013 that I was done cooking in mommy's tummy. I was getting really uncomfortable in such confided quarters and with all of that extra fluid pushing in on me I thought I would push back. This was giving mom some pretty bad rib pain, so she decided to leave work early to go to the physical therapist. She thought that I had pushed a rib out of place, but once she got to Peak Physical Therapy in Spanish Fork, I let her know that time was up and I wanted out. I broke moms water and gave her quite the surprise. Mom had to rush into the bathroom so she didn't get amniotic fluid everywhere. After dad came in the bathroom to help mom clean up and change into some huge basketball shorts they had at the physical therapist's office, they called the Doctor and off we flew to Utah Valley Hospital. Mom started crying and shaking alot because I wasn't moving. But I was just relaxing waiting to see her. Once we arrived at the Hospital, they hooked mom up to the monitors to check me out. They ordered some steroids and antibiotics for me to help my lungs develop and said they would monitor me for 24 hours and then give me more steroids. Apparently I didn't make myself clear that I was ready to see my mommy. About an hour after we got to the hospital my heart rate started to tank and they had rushed mom and I into surgery.  Mom did pretty well during the C-section until I came out. My cord was wrapped around my neck and I was all blue. They didn't let me see mommy and I think that is why she started having a panic attack.  While they were cleaning me up, mom started trying to get up to see me and wouldn't calm down. I heard that she almost pulled the curtain down and grabbed her Doctor's bum! They ended up giving her some medicine that knocked her out so they could finish sewing her up.  When mommy came too about 30 minutes later, they said she would have to wait another hour to see me.  I was struggling to breath and they had to hook me up to a ventilator and put a breathing tube down my throat. I did not like that..... one bit! I kept trying to take it out, but the nurses wouldn't let me. They said I was as feisty as a hornet.  I had to get the same medicine mommy got to calm me down. Mom was able to see me for a minute once I was calm, but she was still all numb from surgery, so she didn't get a good look from her bed. The next morning after she was up all night worrying about me and trying to pump, she was able to walk up and see me. I was still sedated and hooked up to the machines, but I knew she was there. We talked and made a goal that I would do my best to be strong and mommy would do everything she could to help me and stay strong herself.  After about 36 hours of being on the ventilator, the Neonatologist decided I was doing well enough to put me on a C-pap machine. I am glad to have that big tube out of my mouth, but now I have a big mask over my head that puffs air into my nose and down into my lungs, since I am having a tough time keeping them inflated on my own. It startles me on occasion but I am doing better at staying calm now. I just rest and wait to see mom every couple of hours.  Today I was so wide awake for her.  I wanted to tell her that I loved her. I could tell she knew.  We had another talk and even though mommy has to go home in the morning and I have to stay in the NICU, she is going to come see me everyday. I just have to relax and focus on getting strong. I am just glad that I can finally see mommy, and tomorrow she might even get to hold me! That's our next goal! Until then I am just working hard on breathing and growing and being loved by my mom and dad!

Baby girl update

I saw my Perinatologist on Thursday to check up on miss tiny.  I love that I get to see her so often.  She is doing great. She is still in the 29th percentile, but she has been that consistently. So she growing, she is just little (which is to be expected since I am not very big myself......well....except for as of lately.)  We found out that she has some hair! Which is sooo super exciting since Nate and I were balled as bowling balls when we were born. I am excited to actually see what color her hair is. We are all still betting the farm she is a redhead, but I will be happy with any hair. Heck, just put her in my arms alive and healthy and I will be the happiest mommy ever! Well, while we were at the Perinatologist I had a few concerns. When I was pregnant with Porter I never had contractions or pains or pressure. He was really high, and I had the heartburn to prove it. So during the past few weeks when I was having a lot of pressure down low, weird pains and aches I thought I would bring it up to my Doctor.  I talked to my OB and my Dad and they said it was probably just round ligament pain. That my ligaments were stretching out to make room for baby.  But honestly this pressure felt like more than just my ligaments. It felt and still feels like a 30 pound weight is sitting on my cervix. At my last Perinatology appointment they said I had some extra amniotic fluid but they didn't give me a number.  They made sure I didn't have Gestational Diabetes, (which I don't, thank goodness) and they checked miss tiny's kidneys and bladder to make sure they were working properly.  Having extra fluid could mean she isn't swallowing or peeing right. Or that there was something wrong with her kidneys. Well, after I was checked 3 weeks ago, baby looked good, so they said it's just an abnormality. Since that appointment the pressure and pain had been getting worse. If I laid down, I couldn't breath, If I sat for too long I can't get up. I was really concerned that maybe I was having contractions and just didn't know what they felt like. Well at my visit a few days ago they measured  my amniotic fluid again. They told me normal is 8-18 cm.  High is 22 cm. Can you guess what mine is....27 cm.  Which means that I have 2 to 3 times the amniotic fluid that a normal women at 32 weeks has. So instead of 2 pounds of fluid in my uterus, I have about 4-5 pounds.  This extra fluid is putting A TON of pressure on my cervix. Thankfully, my cervix is awesome! LOL, it is long, 1.47 cm, (which I guess is good) thick and hard as a rock. So this provides a great barrier to keep baby in. Thank goodness for that or else they would be sticking a needle in my uterus every week to drain the extra fluid out.  So although they don't have to do any draining right now, it is still very uncomfortable. My doctor said I am probably twice as uncomfortable as most women at 32 weeks because of my huge uterus. He said that if the pressure become to unbearable then at our next appointment he can start draining the fluid. EEeekk! I am alittle nervous for that, but at least everything is good with miss tiny and the extra fluid isn't effecting her, except making it harder for her to flip head down.  They extra fluid puts pressure on her to stay in the position that she is at, which is breech, Just like Porter.  My doctors thinks it is highly unlikely that she is going to flip, since she has never been head down. So for now we are tentatively planning on a C-section for Feb 12th, which again is fine with me. I don't care how baby girl gets here. I just want her here and in my arms.

31 weeks

We made it!!!

Miss tiny and I are to the week that I lost Porter. 

31 weeks! 

It has been in the back of my mind since I got pregnant. 

How am I going to be when I am 31 weeks. 

Am I going to be excited,..

calm...

 a nervous wreck...

depressed,....

out of my mind with anxiety??? 

This week has actually been alot more peaceful then I anticipated. 

Sure I have been anxious, but I have felt a comfort come over me often that miss tiny is ok. That we are going to make it. 

I know that this is the Holy Ghost. 

He is calming my mind, testifying of the love God has for me and this little one. 

Today is the day in my last pregnancy that I lost Porter (31 weeks and 4 days). 

 It is strange to ponder how different my life is now.

 How different this pregnancy is. 

How different the love Nate and I have for each other is. 

Often times I tell people that I don't think I am going to be a better parent because of Porter, But I think I am going to be a different parent now because of him. 

I think I am going to be more patient, 

 maybe more tender, 

or grateful. 

I just know that this little one is going to be more loved than she thought possible. 

I am so thankful for all my Doctors. 

For all the reassurances and support these past 31 weeks. 

It has been a stressful road for sure.

 Thankfully, I have been able to see my baby every 3 weeks grow and develop inside of me. Now I get weekly non-stress tests to check out how her heart is holding up in such cramped quarters. 

She is in the best hands, and for that I am truly grateful.

Just keep growing

Man I love being pregnant!

  Don't get me wrong, my anxiety has been through the roof! Like sky high, but by golly when I wake up and see my belly moving around, I can't help but tear up. 

That's my baby girl in there. 

She is alive and already has a personality and her own special spirit. It just boggles my mind. It's totally worth all the hardships I have gone through with this pregnancy. I just want her to keep on growing. And as you can see, she is doing a mighty fine job.

                                          

Sorry for the bluriness

Porters 2nd Birthday

It was Porter's Birthday yesterday, and can't believe that it has been two years since we had him. It is strange to think that I could have had a toddler running around right now. Laughing and talking and getting into trouble. It's strange to think that he would be getting ready to be a big brother here on earth. I know that is already an amazing big brother in heaven, preparing our little miss tiny. Hopefully telling her how much she is loved and how special she is. I just imagine Porter spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Teaching others of the love of our Savior. I know he is doing this because he already did this for me. Porter taught me how truly loved I am. Loved by my family, by my friends, and especially loved by my Savior. I have gained a greater testimony and understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and how it applies to me. I am so Thankful for my heavenly son for the lessons that he taught me. 

This year's birthday was a lot different than last years. Last year I still wasn't pregnant. I still felt loss. I longed for my baby. Nate had just broken his leg. My parents were going through their divorce. My friends were struggling with awful trials. It seemed that my world was spinning out of control. I didn't understand so many things, yet I knew things would work out. Well,.. It was more of a hope that things would work out.

This year, Porters birthday was completely different. This year I am pregnant. I feel love and peace from my Father in heaven. I still long for my baby, but I feel him with me often. Nate is healthy. My dad is remarried and my mom is about to be at the end of the week. My friends are doing well, even great! I feel like my broken world has been stitched back together. I am amazed at what a year can bring. The sorrow, the joy, the confusion and reflection. One thing that has always been stable in my life has been the Gospel. The Gospel brings me light. It brings me comfort and truth. The Gospel is the only thing that gets me through the storms of life. It is my life jacket. My lighthouse. I love my Savior more than words can express. I am thankful that he let me house one of his choice spirits. I am thankful that he blessed me again to house another one, and I pray everyday that this time I will be worthy enough to keep her.

Perinatology

Today Nate and I meant with the Perinatologist at the University of Utah Hospital. A Perinatologist is a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. They are also trained as obstetricians, but they don't usually do the deliveries.  We saw one after we had Porter and now that I am almost in my 3rd trimester it was time to get a Game plan.  

Well, I will start off by saying, as soon as we pulled up to the hospital I started sobbing. I don't know what came over me, but some deep emotions came to the surface and spilled out all the way through the hospital.  I am sure the onlookers thought something terrible had happened. Nope, I am just an emotional wreck on occasion.  Once we were in the ultrasound room, my tears slowed and I started to get excited to see our little miss tiny.

What a character she is. We have had 3 ultrasounds so far and each one she had been my little wiggler. The ultrasound tech said that we were going to have our hands full with this hyper little one. Well I hope so! She is beautiful! Huge cheeks like her mom :). Wide nose like her dad! She is going to be a big featured baby!  We were able to see her yawning and swallowing. Sucking her thumb and playing with her feet. I am inlove with her tiny little body.  She is in the 36 percentile, which is small, but not abnormal. Porter was very small for his age, somewhere between 10-20 percentile, so the doc is thinking miss tiny won't get much bigger than 6lbs if I go full-term (Cross fingers). Our doctor is worried about growth restriction since Porter was so small and since my uterus is only half the size it should be. 

The plan is that from now on I will be getting an ultrasound every 4 weeks to monitor baby girls growth. I will also be getting non-stress tests twice a week every week once I hit 30 weeks.  She wants to make sure that baby doesn't start getting upset in such small quarters and start trying to wiggle her way out before it is time.  Baby girl also only has a two vessel cord, instead of a three vessel cord. I.E one artery, instead of two.  This is less common, but usually not too concerning, however, since they are already worried about growth restriction; a two vessel cord can also contribute to smaller babies. So just another reason for the monthly ultrasounds. But beside that, She looks great. I love getting to see my little one so often. I am doing great and there aren't very many concerns. If they do find in the ultrasounds that she isn't growing like she should, or she is getting to stressed, then they will do a C-section and get baby girl out so she can grow better. I am so thankful for all my doctors and the support of my friends and family.  This has definitely been a challenging time in my life and I appreciate the love that surrounds me.  I am so grateful for this little spirit inside of me.  Thank you for picking me little one.  I promise that I will love you more than you ever thought possible!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

 

 16 weeks with Porter

22 weeks with Porter

The last picture of Porter living inside of me. 30 weeks. 

 Porter's first picture

 Daddy and Porter

 Mommy and Porter

 Our perfect little angle!

Love you forever and Always Darling!