Just keep growing

Man I love being pregnant!

  Don't get me wrong, my anxiety has been through the roof! Like sky high, but by golly when I wake up and see my belly moving around, I can't help but tear up. 

That's my baby girl in there. 

She is alive and already has a personality and her own special spirit. It just boggles my mind. It's totally worth all the hardships I have gone through with this pregnancy. I just want her to keep on growing. And as you can see, she is doing a mighty fine job.

                                          

Sorry for the bluriness

Porters 2nd Birthday

It was Porter's Birthday yesterday, and can't believe that it has been two years since we had him. It is strange to think that I could have had a toddler running around right now. Laughing and talking and getting into trouble. It's strange to think that he would be getting ready to be a big brother here on earth. I know that is already an amazing big brother in heaven, preparing our little miss tiny. Hopefully telling her how much she is loved and how special she is. I just imagine Porter spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Teaching others of the love of our Savior. I know he is doing this because he already did this for me. Porter taught me how truly loved I am. Loved by my family, by my friends, and especially loved by my Savior. I have gained a greater testimony and understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and how it applies to me. I am so Thankful for my heavenly son for the lessons that he taught me. 

This year's birthday was a lot different than last years. Last year I still wasn't pregnant. I still felt loss. I longed for my baby. Nate had just broken his leg. My parents were going through their divorce. My friends were struggling with awful trials. It seemed that my world was spinning out of control. I didn't understand so many things, yet I knew things would work out. Well,.. It was more of a hope that things would work out.

This year, Porters birthday was completely different. This year I am pregnant. I feel love and peace from my Father in heaven. I still long for my baby, but I feel him with me often. Nate is healthy. My dad is remarried and my mom is about to be at the end of the week. My friends are doing well, even great! I feel like my broken world has been stitched back together. I am amazed at what a year can bring. The sorrow, the joy, the confusion and reflection. One thing that has always been stable in my life has been the Gospel. The Gospel brings me light. It brings me comfort and truth. The Gospel is the only thing that gets me through the storms of life. It is my life jacket. My lighthouse. I love my Savior more than words can express. I am thankful that he let me house one of his choice spirits. I am thankful that he blessed me again to house another one, and I pray everyday that this time I will be worthy enough to keep her.

Perinatology

Today Nate and I meant with the Perinatologist at the University of Utah Hospital. A Perinatologist is a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. They are also trained as obstetricians, but they don't usually do the deliveries.  We saw one after we had Porter and now that I am almost in my 3rd trimester it was time to get a Game plan.  

Well, I will start off by saying, as soon as we pulled up to the hospital I started sobbing. I don't know what came over me, but some deep emotions came to the surface and spilled out all the way through the hospital.  I am sure the onlookers thought something terrible had happened. Nope, I am just an emotional wreck on occasion.  Once we were in the ultrasound room, my tears slowed and I started to get excited to see our little miss tiny.

What a character she is. We have had 3 ultrasounds so far and each one she had been my little wiggler. The ultrasound tech said that we were going to have our hands full with this hyper little one. Well I hope so! She is beautiful! Huge cheeks like her mom :). Wide nose like her dad! She is going to be a big featured baby!  We were able to see her yawning and swallowing. Sucking her thumb and playing with her feet. I am inlove with her tiny little body.  She is in the 36 percentile, which is small, but not abnormal. Porter was very small for his age, somewhere between 10-20 percentile, so the doc is thinking miss tiny won't get much bigger than 6lbs if I go full-term (Cross fingers). Our doctor is worried about growth restriction since Porter was so small and since my uterus is only half the size it should be. 

The plan is that from now on I will be getting an ultrasound every 4 weeks to monitor baby girls growth. I will also be getting non-stress tests twice a week every week once I hit 30 weeks.  She wants to make sure that baby doesn't start getting upset in such small quarters and start trying to wiggle her way out before it is time.  Baby girl also only has a two vessel cord, instead of a three vessel cord. I.E one artery, instead of two.  This is less common, but usually not too concerning, however, since they are already worried about growth restriction; a two vessel cord can also contribute to smaller babies. So just another reason for the monthly ultrasounds. But beside that, She looks great. I love getting to see my little one so often. I am doing great and there aren't very many concerns. If they do find in the ultrasounds that she isn't growing like she should, or she is getting to stressed, then they will do a C-section and get baby girl out so she can grow better. I am so thankful for all my doctors and the support of my friends and family.  This has definitely been a challenging time in my life and I appreciate the love that surrounds me.  I am so grateful for this little spirit inside of me.  Thank you for picking me little one.  I promise that I will love you more than you ever thought possible!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

 

 16 weeks with Porter

22 weeks with Porter

The last picture of Porter living inside of me. 30 weeks. 

 Porter's first picture

 Daddy and Porter

 Mommy and Porter

 Our perfect little angle!

Love you forever and Always Darling!

My dear little miss tiny

Hello there miss tiny,

I wanted to write you a letter and let you know how much I love you. 

I love that you have assured me everyday that you are still living inside of me. Whether it is the lovely trips to the bathroom to throw up breakfast, or the little dances you perform inside of me.

 I have fallen in love with your cute little self since the moment I saw you on that black and white screen. That tiny nose. That tiny bum. That big head! :)

I love that daddy already says he loves his girls! It brings the biggest smile to my face. 

I love when people say you will be beautiful, because of course you will. 

I love that you already have made 4 appearances on that lovely black and white screen, even though one of them was not so happy. 

At 17 weeks I started spotting and cramping. Grandpa tried for 10 minutes to find your heart beat and couldn't. You scared me to death miss tiny. I almost had a heart attack.  Well we called Daddy and he came rushing down for an ultrasound. Grandpa found your heartbeat right away. 

You were just taking alittle nap deep inside of me. 

Such a little stinker you are. Just like your Daddy.

That's why I love you. I know you are going to be challenging me in every way. Thanks for sticking with me miss tiny. 

We are almost half way! February seems so far, but I know we can make it. I love you darling. Keep letting me know you are there and I will keep the faith.

Love always,

Mom

25

Twenty-five! I just had my birthday the 30th of August making me twenty-five years old. It seems odd being this age. I feel like I should be older because of all the life experiences I have gone through. As well as the fact that I have been married for over 5 years now. However, I also feel like I should be younger. When I was in High School, 25 was so old. People that were 25 were graduated from college....(I am), They were married...(I am)... They had kids...(in progress)...they had it together and had plans...(in progress).  I know to my parents I am still a young buck, but honestly I am 25!  Twenty-five means I am on the downward slope to 30. (which is not old, just more responsible and established then I feel.)  I do feel old when girls younger then me have one, two or even three children and I am still working on my first (I know Porter is my first, but you know what I mean). Honestly though I have loved the time Nate and I have had together and that I am a little older...maybe a little wiser then I would have been?? hopefully! All together, I am pretty excited to be 25. I had a fantastic birthday filled with family, friends, and happiness. Plus I received the best early birthday present ever! It was finding out that this little baby inside of me is a girl!!

16 weeks

I can't believe I am already four months along! Seems slow and fast all at the same time. The fact that we are having a baby girl still hasn't sunk in all the way for Nate and I. Whenever Nate talks about the baby, he says he, instead of she. I have to keep correcting him. It is strange though, going from being pregnant with a boy, and delivering a boy and having a boy nursery and boy pictures and always talking about our angle baby boy, to being pregnant with a girl! Seems kinda surreal. Getting in girl mode has been a big switch. BUT OH DO I LOVE IT! Thinking of girl names, and nursery themes, and bow and ribbons OH MY! Sooo fun! I can't wait to meet her and see what she will look like and be like.  Everyone keeps saying she is going to have red hair....But I don't want to get my hopes up. Because I will love her no matter what she looks like, (but red hair would be a fun surprise).  

Thought I would give you guys some pregnancy updates:

I am still sick....Yep, 16 weeks and still throwing up, but sooo totally worth it. My OB said that carrying girls is harder in His experience. Oh do I believe it. Still working on the weight gain, but He said it will come, and this week my appetite has been out of control. So I am sure I will start packing on the lbs.

I am growing! Bring on the baby bump! Some of my friends don't show forever and are super tiny and make me jealous. But honestly, Pregnancy is beautiful! I love big round bellies. I am not 5'7 and I have no torso, So I am going to show and show proud. So when I am 30 weeks and look like I am 40 weeks and about to pop, Just tell me I look beautifully pregnant :) Deal?

I just started to feel baby girl move yesterday!! I am ecstatic! I couldn't feel Porter move till 19 weeks, so this is a great surprise! When I had my ultrasound, the ultrasound tech said that she was super hyper and was moving like crazy. He also said that they don't open their hands at this stage and stay in a ball. Well baby girl made him a liar, because she was waving and straightening out and grooving with everything she had.  Just like her older brother.  Once I could feel Porter move, He never stopped. One thing that I love about my babies! They are crazy hyper just like their Mom :)

Baby girl and Mom and doing good. She is growing and is measuring great. Her head is a week bigger then the rest of her body (Thanks Nate for your huge head) so I am hoping that means she is really smart ;).

 I am going to see the specialist in 4 more weeks to get a game plan.  But for now things are just dandy. 

 I love this little girl, more then words can express.