What an emotional whirl wind I have been on this week. To start off I had a period from H. E. double hockey sticks. Headaches, backaches, zits and I was just a crying mess. It didn't help that Mothers day was Sunday. Talk about embarrassing, I broke down crying when the primary sang, when I saw the baby in front of me giggle and during every speaker. I basically left church without an ounce of makeup on. Plus last Mothers Day was when we told everyone we were pregnant.
I have also be super happy this week too. Nate and I decided that since it has officially been 6 months since we had Porter we are going to start trying again!!! I am so incredibly excited and horrible scared at the same time. I want a baby more than anything, but I am so nervous about getting pregnant and staying pregnant. The doctors told me I am going to be monitored like 24/7. I am already at high risk because of my double uterus, but adding the stress of the unknown on top of that isn't good. I am trying to relax but what if we can't get pregnant again?? What if I miscarry over and over again. My mother had 2 miscarriages. What if I have another still-born?? But... What if I have a perfectly healthy happy baby?? I know I shouldn't play the "what if" game, because I did this before we got pregnant with Porter. I thought that I wasn't going to be able to conceive at all, but we did just 2 months after we went off birth control!
I know I need to have Faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that they will bless us if we are living in accordance with his Gospel. I am so excited to start this journey all over again. I just hope that I can let myself relax and enjoy the process of "trying" to get pregnant :), and not stress about every little thing I do. LOL we will see how well that works.
